Before I get started, it looks as if I unintentionally deleted a blog post here. If that did not happen, then someone had it taken down for whatever reason. The blog post was about how negativity can increase the chance of a meltdown. I honestly have no desire to re-write that and didn't save a copy of that to my computer.
To the topic at hand, and this was after having a discussion with my father on the phone. I was surprised to hear him say to me on the phone that "The more I think about it, the more I believe I have Aspergers. I don't like change much and it throws me right off when it happens. Your grandfather was like that too, and I believe he had it too." So it seems that the genetic theory holds true in regards to kids having autism or Aspergers. But lets support a test or theory from a few years ago that indicates that men over the age of 30 are more likely to have kids with autism.
I cannot trace my family tree back too far right now to find out how old my great-grandfather was when he conceived with my great-grandmother and my grandfather was born. But if my mom (who suspected this the whole time), and my dad are right about the thought that my grandfather had Aspergers, then he got it from the great-grandfather. The great grandfather had to have been past the age of 30 when my grandfather was conceived, and then born.
What I know of my grandfather was that he had three kids himself, and my dad was the youngest of three. He had these kids at the age of 27, 29, and 31. Unfortunately, I never meet the first born as he passed away before I was even born. What I do know is of the second born was that she didn't have the same patterns of behaviour that my dad demonstrated. My dad was pretty obsessive in some of the things he did, and was not the type that liked to go out too often. I sensed my grandfather was the same way.
Fast-forward to my brother's birth and he was born when my mother and father were 27 and 26 respectively. He never had autism, and he was a huge extrovert and demanded to be the centre of attention. He loved spending time away from home and doing things. I was more the type to stay at home and do things and go out with friends on occasion. I had to hype myself up for the nights out with friends. I couldn't seem to last too long in situations where. I was born when my parents were 31-30 respectively. See where I am going with this.
Back in the old days, it appeared that parents were having kids at a much younger age. It seemed as if that everyone was normal thinking and there was less concern about autism compared to today. In today's world, everyone is putting their professional careers ahead of families as well. This leaves no time for baby-making it seems and the chance of autism seems to be increased if you look at the scenario I presented above. Although I would believe that genetics with age plays a bigger factor more than anything else, I am not certain that you can rule out age as a factor on its own.
I briefly dated someone who was 31 years old. I myself am 26, soon to be 27 in a couple months from now. I know when kids were brought up in a conversation, she was worried that at her age, the chances of a defect in her kids she could conceive would be higher. I did nothing to comfort her now that I think about it. I now know that my chances of having a kid with autism will likely increase the older I get. When it comes to women and potential factors, I am not certain how much of a role that will play.
It seems as if this theory posted a few years ago that I found posted in either the Washington Post or the New York Times could support that theory. Look at my family genetics and history.
Monday 26 November 2012
Saturday 24 November 2012
A fellow Aspie's opinion on how to fit in... Don't
The following was a post on the website, Wrongplanet. Everybody on there is already arguing and debating whether this post is a good description of Aspies and NT's. Really though, it was a good thought provoking post to say the least. The poster goes by the name of Grefas. Here is the link:
Every aspie in the world wants to crack the code of social interaction. Everyone seeks a tip. Everyone gives a tip. Some want to be accepted by NTs, some even want to "look like" NTs! I don't understand. Or maybe I understand but let's start from the beginning.
I live and study in Greece where nobody knows about Asperger except of the members of a couple of small groups and the fans of southpark of course! Since I was a child I was trying to understand others' behavior through logical assumptions and experience-based deductions. Now that I became older I finally understood! There is no way to explain human behavior by logic. End of story! No tips , no method, no code.. Social interactions are the most absurd thing there is.. so no "fit in" there for us my friends.
But as a young man, stubborn and fearless I managed to rationalize some aspects of social life. I managed to fit in and I had all the time to observe, test and understand the others' behavior. Why do they do this, why they do that, when they react this way, who reacts this way, under what conditions.. I will tell you what I finally understood after some parts of the puzzle completed and then it's your choice whether you want to play the game or not. But nobody plays a game if they don't like the rules unless they are unaware of the rules. So I don't understand those who want to fit in (because if you don't know the rules yet believe me you are not going to like them.)
So, above all is PRETENDING. Pretending is the basis of human interaction and relationships. That's NT's way of humor and of dealing with everyday situations. They pretend to like their colleagues, they pretend to like you, their boss or anyone else, but underneath that lies the truth. People use to say that aspies and autistic people tend to see the tree and miss the forest, NTs tend to see the forest and miss the tree, but I tell you, everyone misses what's under the tree. And under the tree there is a very complicated and dirty system of alliances between the members of a group. Pretending is a very useful technique in making alliances. They don't make friends, they make allies. Subsequently you will understand why people need alliances.
Another thing I want you to wonder about is why those people are near you, if there are any. I tell you, everyone close to you except your family is GAINING something from you. Their gain is either material, (maybe you have money, maybe they like the rides with your car, your PlayStation, any material gain) or their gain is more intangible and it's about power ( if your status is high, you sing well, you have a cool music group, you are a good hacker, you have a web-TV show about asperger
, you are good looking,
anything that can be useful to them.. for THEIR status) You may be very clever
and you can support them in power issues among the group, whatever..
Do you see how these two are connected? PRETENDING and PERSONAL GAIN? Let me explain, if there is anything that people can gain from you, they'll pretend to like you. That's why there is no pretending for you my "weak" friends and there is a lot of bullying, because they don't gain a lot from you, or they win more than they lose by bullying you. Brain is a powerful weapon that is wired to solve complicated math functions in everyday life and make decisions serving ones' inner desires. Οne of the strongest inner desire of human beings is gain. And pretending is their way of serving this desire. But it is not serving only this desire..
Most males, want power. Power comes from alliances and alliances come from pretending. But why do they want power? Are we watching some kind of action movie or playing some kind of game of thrones? No, it's not a movie, it's what lies beneath the trees and the forest thing. It's real f**** life. Power serves THE most strong human instinct and motive there is, REPRODUCTION. So males adjust to how females choose their partner. Dominant females mate with dominant males who have power, which means a lot of allies which they earn by pretending, and with humor, "bribing" etc. Though it is possible for a non-dominant male to mate with a dominant, or non-dominant female but this female will cheat or abandon her partner on her first opportunity of mating with a dominant one. If she does not and prefer to stick with her high values of loyalty she's probably an aspie..
You see most NTs don't realize that they are playing this kind of power game, they are not consciously doing this. Their nature and instincts force them to play this awful and unfair game. The rules stink and it's full of lies, deception techniques and they use to say "that's life". No that's YOUR life f****, that's YOUR nature. This is obvious because their genes gave them all the skills they need for this kind of social game. But my genes and your genes don't contain any pretending skills, any social skills, any intuitive understanding of the social hierarchy.. It's simple, WE ARE NOT MEANT TO LIVE THIS WAY.
Because the more I look within myself, the more I acknowledge one powerful natural tendency of mine. The tendency towards TRUTH which is the opposite of pretending. You can't go to the opposite direction because at the end nobody can get away from a theorem that implements on him. Apart from this, if you go against your nature that's when the "psychological problems" start to appear.
So instead of struggling to fit in, try to understand that we are meant to define our own rules which are consequent with our nature and not to play someone's else shitty game whose rules don't satisfy our existence. A friend had a very nice thought about our difference with the NTs. She believes that we are descendants of prehistoric hunters who needed good observation skills, logic and other traits like loyalty useful to the hunting while they were leaving the rest of the group doing their social and hierarchical stuff. So go out "hunting" and meet new situations, new places and don't compare yourself with NTs and how they live their lives.
FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH. WE ARE FROM THE SAME TRIBE!
As depressing as it sounds, people are always looking to use eachother. The bigger issue with the Aspie is that we are always looking for a connection. But in order to do that, it seems we have to conform for what the other person needs and wants. That puts us in a situation that may cause problems. Why should we change just so someone else can like us. NT's do this too. But the world tells people with Autism or Asperger's "Change or we won't accept you." Say goodbye to yourself as you know it if you willingly agree to this demand.
Update: November 24, 7:15 PM. You know, some aspies have to change to. But not to fit in and make people like them for who they aren't. Everyone has to change who they are in order to be viewed as an approachable person. The best way to do this even if you have to fake it.... Smile
Every aspie in the world wants to crack the code of social interaction. Everyone seeks a tip. Everyone gives a tip. Some want to be accepted by NTs, some even want to "look like" NTs! I don't understand. Or maybe I understand but let's start from the beginning.
I live and study in Greece where nobody knows about Asperger except of the members of a couple of small groups and the fans of southpark of course! Since I was a child I was trying to understand others' behavior through logical assumptions and experience-based deductions. Now that I became older I finally understood! There is no way to explain human behavior by logic. End of story! No tips , no method, no code.. Social interactions are the most absurd thing there is.. so no "fit in" there for us my friends.
But as a young man, stubborn and fearless I managed to rationalize some aspects of social life. I managed to fit in and I had all the time to observe, test and understand the others' behavior. Why do they do this, why they do that, when they react this way, who reacts this way, under what conditions.. I will tell you what I finally understood after some parts of the puzzle completed and then it's your choice whether you want to play the game or not. But nobody plays a game if they don't like the rules unless they are unaware of the rules. So I don't understand those who want to fit in (because if you don't know the rules yet believe me you are not going to like them.)
So, above all is PRETENDING. Pretending is the basis of human interaction and relationships. That's NT's way of humor and of dealing with everyday situations. They pretend to like their colleagues, they pretend to like you, their boss or anyone else, but underneath that lies the truth. People use to say that aspies and autistic people tend to see the tree and miss the forest, NTs tend to see the forest and miss the tree, but I tell you, everyone misses what's under the tree. And under the tree there is a very complicated and dirty system of alliances between the members of a group. Pretending is a very useful technique in making alliances. They don't make friends, they make allies. Subsequently you will understand why people need alliances.
Another thing I want you to wonder about is why those people are near you, if there are any. I tell you, everyone close to you except your family is GAINING something from you. Their gain is either material, (maybe you have money, maybe they like the rides with your car, your PlayStation, any material gain) or their gain is more intangible and it's about power ( if your status is high, you sing well, you have a cool music group, you are a good hacker, you have a web-TV show about asperger
, you are good looking,
anything that can be useful to them.. for THEIR status) You may be very clever
and you can support them in power issues among the group, whatever.. Do you see how these two are connected? PRETENDING and PERSONAL GAIN? Let me explain, if there is anything that people can gain from you, they'll pretend to like you. That's why there is no pretending for you my "weak" friends and there is a lot of bullying, because they don't gain a lot from you, or they win more than they lose by bullying you. Brain is a powerful weapon that is wired to solve complicated math functions in everyday life and make decisions serving ones' inner desires. Οne of the strongest inner desire of human beings is gain. And pretending is their way of serving this desire. But it is not serving only this desire..
Most males, want power. Power comes from alliances and alliances come from pretending. But why do they want power? Are we watching some kind of action movie or playing some kind of game of thrones? No, it's not a movie, it's what lies beneath the trees and the forest thing. It's real f**** life. Power serves THE most strong human instinct and motive there is, REPRODUCTION. So males adjust to how females choose their partner. Dominant females mate with dominant males who have power, which means a lot of allies which they earn by pretending, and with humor, "bribing" etc. Though it is possible for a non-dominant male to mate with a dominant, or non-dominant female but this female will cheat or abandon her partner on her first opportunity of mating with a dominant one. If she does not and prefer to stick with her high values of loyalty she's probably an aspie..
You see most NTs don't realize that they are playing this kind of power game, they are not consciously doing this. Their nature and instincts force them to play this awful and unfair game. The rules stink and it's full of lies, deception techniques and they use to say "that's life". No that's YOUR life f****, that's YOUR nature. This is obvious because their genes gave them all the skills they need for this kind of social game. But my genes and your genes don't contain any pretending skills, any social skills, any intuitive understanding of the social hierarchy.. It's simple, WE ARE NOT MEANT TO LIVE THIS WAY.
Because the more I look within myself, the more I acknowledge one powerful natural tendency of mine. The tendency towards TRUTH which is the opposite of pretending. You can't go to the opposite direction because at the end nobody can get away from a theorem that implements on him. Apart from this, if you go against your nature that's when the "psychological problems" start to appear.
So instead of struggling to fit in, try to understand that we are meant to define our own rules which are consequent with our nature and not to play someone's else shitty game whose rules don't satisfy our existence. A friend had a very nice thought about our difference with the NTs. She believes that we are descendants of prehistoric hunters who needed good observation skills, logic and other traits like loyalty useful to the hunting while they were leaving the rest of the group doing their social and hierarchical stuff. So go out "hunting" and meet new situations, new places and don't compare yourself with NTs and how they live their lives.
FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH. WE ARE FROM THE SAME TRIBE!
As depressing as it sounds, people are always looking to use eachother. The bigger issue with the Aspie is that we are always looking for a connection. But in order to do that, it seems we have to conform for what the other person needs and wants. That puts us in a situation that may cause problems. Why should we change just so someone else can like us. NT's do this too. But the world tells people with Autism or Asperger's "Change or we won't accept you." Say goodbye to yourself as you know it if you willingly agree to this demand.
Update: November 24, 7:15 PM. You know, some aspies have to change to. But not to fit in and make people like them for who they aren't. Everyone has to change who they are in order to be viewed as an approachable person. The best way to do this even if you have to fake it.... Smile
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