Before I get started, it looks as if I unintentionally deleted a blog post here. If that did not happen, then someone had it taken down for whatever reason. The blog post was about how negativity can increase the chance of a meltdown. I honestly have no desire to re-write that and didn't save a copy of that to my computer.
To the topic at hand, and this was after having a discussion with my father on the phone. I was surprised to hear him say to me on the phone that "The more I think about it, the more I believe I have Aspergers. I don't like change much and it throws me right off when it happens. Your grandfather was like that too, and I believe he had it too." So it seems that the genetic theory holds true in regards to kids having autism or Aspergers. But lets support a test or theory from a few years ago that indicates that men over the age of 30 are more likely to have kids with autism.
I cannot trace my family tree back too far right now to find out how old my great-grandfather was when he conceived with my great-grandmother and my grandfather was born. But if my mom (who suspected this the whole time), and my dad are right about the thought that my grandfather had Aspergers, then he got it from the great-grandfather. The great grandfather had to have been past the age of 30 when my grandfather was conceived, and then born.
What I know of my grandfather was that he had three kids himself, and my dad was the youngest of three. He had these kids at the age of 27, 29, and 31. Unfortunately, I never meet the first born as he passed away before I was even born. What I do know is of the second born was that she didn't have the same patterns of behaviour that my dad demonstrated. My dad was pretty obsessive in some of the things he did, and was not the type that liked to go out too often. I sensed my grandfather was the same way.
Fast-forward to my brother's birth and he was born when my mother and father were 27 and 26 respectively. He never had autism, and he was a huge extrovert and demanded to be the centre of attention. He loved spending time away from home and doing things. I was more the type to stay at home and do things and go out with friends on occasion. I had to hype myself up for the nights out with friends. I couldn't seem to last too long in situations where. I was born when my parents were 31-30 respectively. See where I am going with this.
Back in the old days, it appeared that parents were having kids at a much younger age. It seemed as if that everyone was normal thinking and there was less concern about autism compared to today. In today's world, everyone is putting their professional careers ahead of families as well. This leaves no time for baby-making it seems and the chance of autism seems to be increased if you look at the scenario I presented above. Although I would believe that genetics with age plays a bigger factor more than anything else, I am not certain that you can rule out age as a factor on its own.
I briefly dated someone who was 31 years old. I myself am 26, soon to be 27 in a couple months from now. I know when kids were brought up in a conversation, she was worried that at her age, the chances of a defect in her kids she could conceive would be higher. I did nothing to comfort her now that I think about it. I now know that my chances of having a kid with autism will likely increase the older I get. When it comes to women and potential factors, I am not certain how much of a role that will play.
It seems as if this theory posted a few years ago that I found posted in either the Washington Post or the New York Times could support that theory. Look at my family genetics and history.
Monday, 26 November 2012
Saturday, 24 November 2012
A fellow Aspie's opinion on how to fit in... Don't
The following was a post on the website, Wrongplanet. Everybody on there is already arguing and debating whether this post is a good description of Aspies and NT's. Really though, it was a good thought provoking post to say the least. The poster goes by the name of Grefas. Here is the link:
Every aspie in the world wants to crack the code of social interaction. Everyone seeks a tip. Everyone gives a tip. Some want to be accepted by NTs, some even want to "look like" NTs! I don't understand. Or maybe I understand but let's start from the beginning.
I live and study in Greece where nobody knows about Asperger except of the members of a couple of small groups and the fans of southpark of course! Since I was a child I was trying to understand others' behavior through logical assumptions and experience-based deductions. Now that I became older I finally understood! There is no way to explain human behavior by logic. End of story! No tips , no method, no code.. Social interactions are the most absurd thing there is.. so no "fit in" there for us my friends.
But as a young man, stubborn and fearless I managed to rationalize some aspects of social life. I managed to fit in and I had all the time to observe, test and understand the others' behavior. Why do they do this, why they do that, when they react this way, who reacts this way, under what conditions.. I will tell you what I finally understood after some parts of the puzzle completed and then it's your choice whether you want to play the game or not. But nobody plays a game if they don't like the rules unless they are unaware of the rules. So I don't understand those who want to fit in (because if you don't know the rules yet believe me you are not going to like them.)
So, above all is PRETENDING. Pretending is the basis of human interaction and relationships. That's NT's way of humor and of dealing with everyday situations. They pretend to like their colleagues, they pretend to like you, their boss or anyone else, but underneath that lies the truth. People use to say that aspies and autistic people tend to see the tree and miss the forest, NTs tend to see the forest and miss the tree, but I tell you, everyone misses what's under the tree. And under the tree there is a very complicated and dirty system of alliances between the members of a group. Pretending is a very useful technique in making alliances. They don't make friends, they make allies. Subsequently you will understand why people need alliances.
Another thing I want you to wonder about is why those people are near you, if there are any. I tell you, everyone close to you except your family is GAINING something from you. Their gain is either material, (maybe you have money, maybe they like the rides with your car, your PlayStation, any material gain) or their gain is more intangible and it's about power ( if your status is high, you sing well, you have a cool music group, you are a good hacker, you have a web-TV show about asperger
, you are good looking,
anything that can be useful to them.. for THEIR status) You may be very clever
and you can support them in power issues among the group, whatever..
Do you see how these two are connected? PRETENDING and PERSONAL GAIN? Let me explain, if there is anything that people can gain from you, they'll pretend to like you. That's why there is no pretending for you my "weak" friends and there is a lot of bullying, because they don't gain a lot from you, or they win more than they lose by bullying you. Brain is a powerful weapon that is wired to solve complicated math functions in everyday life and make decisions serving ones' inner desires. Οne of the strongest inner desire of human beings is gain. And pretending is their way of serving this desire. But it is not serving only this desire..
Most males, want power. Power comes from alliances and alliances come from pretending. But why do they want power? Are we watching some kind of action movie or playing some kind of game of thrones? No, it's not a movie, it's what lies beneath the trees and the forest thing. It's real f**** life. Power serves THE most strong human instinct and motive there is, REPRODUCTION. So males adjust to how females choose their partner. Dominant females mate with dominant males who have power, which means a lot of allies which they earn by pretending, and with humor, "bribing" etc. Though it is possible for a non-dominant male to mate with a dominant, or non-dominant female but this female will cheat or abandon her partner on her first opportunity of mating with a dominant one. If she does not and prefer to stick with her high values of loyalty she's probably an aspie..
You see most NTs don't realize that they are playing this kind of power game, they are not consciously doing this. Their nature and instincts force them to play this awful and unfair game. The rules stink and it's full of lies, deception techniques and they use to say "that's life". No that's YOUR life f****, that's YOUR nature. This is obvious because their genes gave them all the skills they need for this kind of social game. But my genes and your genes don't contain any pretending skills, any social skills, any intuitive understanding of the social hierarchy.. It's simple, WE ARE NOT MEANT TO LIVE THIS WAY.
Because the more I look within myself, the more I acknowledge one powerful natural tendency of mine. The tendency towards TRUTH which is the opposite of pretending. You can't go to the opposite direction because at the end nobody can get away from a theorem that implements on him. Apart from this, if you go against your nature that's when the "psychological problems" start to appear.
So instead of struggling to fit in, try to understand that we are meant to define our own rules which are consequent with our nature and not to play someone's else shitty game whose rules don't satisfy our existence. A friend had a very nice thought about our difference with the NTs. She believes that we are descendants of prehistoric hunters who needed good observation skills, logic and other traits like loyalty useful to the hunting while they were leaving the rest of the group doing their social and hierarchical stuff. So go out "hunting" and meet new situations, new places and don't compare yourself with NTs and how they live their lives.
FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH. WE ARE FROM THE SAME TRIBE!
As depressing as it sounds, people are always looking to use eachother. The bigger issue with the Aspie is that we are always looking for a connection. But in order to do that, it seems we have to conform for what the other person needs and wants. That puts us in a situation that may cause problems. Why should we change just so someone else can like us. NT's do this too. But the world tells people with Autism or Asperger's "Change or we won't accept you." Say goodbye to yourself as you know it if you willingly agree to this demand.
Update: November 24, 7:15 PM. You know, some aspies have to change to. But not to fit in and make people like them for who they aren't. Everyone has to change who they are in order to be viewed as an approachable person. The best way to do this even if you have to fake it.... Smile
Every aspie in the world wants to crack the code of social interaction. Everyone seeks a tip. Everyone gives a tip. Some want to be accepted by NTs, some even want to "look like" NTs! I don't understand. Or maybe I understand but let's start from the beginning.
I live and study in Greece where nobody knows about Asperger except of the members of a couple of small groups and the fans of southpark of course! Since I was a child I was trying to understand others' behavior through logical assumptions and experience-based deductions. Now that I became older I finally understood! There is no way to explain human behavior by logic. End of story! No tips , no method, no code.. Social interactions are the most absurd thing there is.. so no "fit in" there for us my friends.
But as a young man, stubborn and fearless I managed to rationalize some aspects of social life. I managed to fit in and I had all the time to observe, test and understand the others' behavior. Why do they do this, why they do that, when they react this way, who reacts this way, under what conditions.. I will tell you what I finally understood after some parts of the puzzle completed and then it's your choice whether you want to play the game or not. But nobody plays a game if they don't like the rules unless they are unaware of the rules. So I don't understand those who want to fit in (because if you don't know the rules yet believe me you are not going to like them.)
So, above all is PRETENDING. Pretending is the basis of human interaction and relationships. That's NT's way of humor and of dealing with everyday situations. They pretend to like their colleagues, they pretend to like you, their boss or anyone else, but underneath that lies the truth. People use to say that aspies and autistic people tend to see the tree and miss the forest, NTs tend to see the forest and miss the tree, but I tell you, everyone misses what's under the tree. And under the tree there is a very complicated and dirty system of alliances between the members of a group. Pretending is a very useful technique in making alliances. They don't make friends, they make allies. Subsequently you will understand why people need alliances.
Another thing I want you to wonder about is why those people are near you, if there are any. I tell you, everyone close to you except your family is GAINING something from you. Their gain is either material, (maybe you have money, maybe they like the rides with your car, your PlayStation, any material gain) or their gain is more intangible and it's about power ( if your status is high, you sing well, you have a cool music group, you are a good hacker, you have a web-TV show about asperger
, you are good looking,
anything that can be useful to them.. for THEIR status) You may be very clever
and you can support them in power issues among the group, whatever.. Do you see how these two are connected? PRETENDING and PERSONAL GAIN? Let me explain, if there is anything that people can gain from you, they'll pretend to like you. That's why there is no pretending for you my "weak" friends and there is a lot of bullying, because they don't gain a lot from you, or they win more than they lose by bullying you. Brain is a powerful weapon that is wired to solve complicated math functions in everyday life and make decisions serving ones' inner desires. Οne of the strongest inner desire of human beings is gain. And pretending is their way of serving this desire. But it is not serving only this desire..
Most males, want power. Power comes from alliances and alliances come from pretending. But why do they want power? Are we watching some kind of action movie or playing some kind of game of thrones? No, it's not a movie, it's what lies beneath the trees and the forest thing. It's real f**** life. Power serves THE most strong human instinct and motive there is, REPRODUCTION. So males adjust to how females choose their partner. Dominant females mate with dominant males who have power, which means a lot of allies which they earn by pretending, and with humor, "bribing" etc. Though it is possible for a non-dominant male to mate with a dominant, or non-dominant female but this female will cheat or abandon her partner on her first opportunity of mating with a dominant one. If she does not and prefer to stick with her high values of loyalty she's probably an aspie..
You see most NTs don't realize that they are playing this kind of power game, they are not consciously doing this. Their nature and instincts force them to play this awful and unfair game. The rules stink and it's full of lies, deception techniques and they use to say "that's life". No that's YOUR life f****, that's YOUR nature. This is obvious because their genes gave them all the skills they need for this kind of social game. But my genes and your genes don't contain any pretending skills, any social skills, any intuitive understanding of the social hierarchy.. It's simple, WE ARE NOT MEANT TO LIVE THIS WAY.
Because the more I look within myself, the more I acknowledge one powerful natural tendency of mine. The tendency towards TRUTH which is the opposite of pretending. You can't go to the opposite direction because at the end nobody can get away from a theorem that implements on him. Apart from this, if you go against your nature that's when the "psychological problems" start to appear.
So instead of struggling to fit in, try to understand that we are meant to define our own rules which are consequent with our nature and not to play someone's else shitty game whose rules don't satisfy our existence. A friend had a very nice thought about our difference with the NTs. She believes that we are descendants of prehistoric hunters who needed good observation skills, logic and other traits like loyalty useful to the hunting while they were leaving the rest of the group doing their social and hierarchical stuff. So go out "hunting" and meet new situations, new places and don't compare yourself with NTs and how they live their lives.
FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH. WE ARE FROM THE SAME TRIBE!
As depressing as it sounds, people are always looking to use eachother. The bigger issue with the Aspie is that we are always looking for a connection. But in order to do that, it seems we have to conform for what the other person needs and wants. That puts us in a situation that may cause problems. Why should we change just so someone else can like us. NT's do this too. But the world tells people with Autism or Asperger's "Change or we won't accept you." Say goodbye to yourself as you know it if you willingly agree to this demand.
Update: November 24, 7:15 PM. You know, some aspies have to change to. But not to fit in and make people like them for who they aren't. Everyone has to change who they are in order to be viewed as an approachable person. The best way to do this even if you have to fake it.... Smile
Friday, 5 October 2012
Dating and seeking connections- Am I better off alone?
I decided recently that I was sick of the online dating sites. I don't like the type of people that are on these sites, and I definitely don't like initiating contact at all. Truth be told, I don't know what to say when I initiate contact. I also hate the fact that people have these rules for how to contact people, it fees so restricted and it does not really help show who I am. I may comment on something I read on their profile and ask a question about it, but almost 100% of the time I get ignored. Might be because of something written on my profile, or maybe how I made the message sound, or maybe it was how I look in my photos. Truth is I don't want to think about it anymore. Besides, I have not been happy with any dates I have had on any dating sites. Maybe I am not fit for dating, or I don't have anything to offer that another person wants. I am not the typical alpha male that women desire and have no desire to be one. I just want to be me, but with the ability to read social cues and body language better. In no way do I consider myself a doormat and therefore don't allow others to treat me as such.
I have noticed from the wrongplanet.net forums that other Aspies and Autistic people, but I am guessing it is mostly the Aspies, have voiced their frustrations about their inability to have a relationship with the opposite gender. I have also noticed it is mostly men, but there are the occasional women in there voicing their frustrations. I have done my best not to complain openly about my dating frustration on the forums, but more or less try and help the younger lads because they still have hope for the future. People around my age and older just don't seem to care as much anymore as some seem to accept the idea of being alone.
We have all read about what women really want. It seems to be broken down into the following things:
1. Women want what they perceive to be normal, happy, healthy and fit. Each women is different so the standards of what these traits are may be different. It seems that very few consider a person with Asperger's Syndrome to be normal, and some Aspies don't seem too happy either. Of course, telling someone you have Asperger's too soon will of course make that person run for the hills.
2. Women don't care what your intentions really are, because what they perceive your intentions to be will influence how they feel. At this point how they feel will likely never change no matter what you say or do.
3. They don't want someone that shows a total lack of regard and respect for women. Aspie males on the site seem to indicate (including myself) that they have a lack of trust for women based on previous dating history and from being bullied. Some (like me when I was younger) may end up taking this frustration out on the next one. Furthermore, I have noticed that some nice men (NT and Aspies) have severe entitlement issues and believe that women should be grateful to have someone like them in their presence. This is pretty off putting to a woman.
The entitlement issues seem to come from younger and more youthful aspies and I have been there myself. Once you hit your mid-twenties, this entitlement issue may change to some deeper, more complex issue if you have not fixed this already.
4. Experience matters. It seems to be common knowledge that women want a man with experience in relationships and in sex. It doesn't help now when some women are now categorizing the 30-40 year old virgins as undeserving of love. I am not a virgin myself, but I have only had sex enough times to count on one hand and I can assure you that each time was not with the same woman. If experience mattering holds any merit, I will never have a relationship and will likely never have sex again. I have found a lot of aspies on the website have never had sex either and the age varies between users.
5. Confidence- Need I say anymore. It's all in how you walk, and talk and this seems exciting to all women.
6. Women have little to no patience for people like us. There are many reasons why, but let's talk affection for a minute. Affection from an Aspie seems forced and unnatural unless it is learned. This may seem harsh to say, but a woman likes natural chemistry and a women won't stick around if affection seems forced.
Now back to me. My dating experience has been horrible to say the least. I rarely, if ever, get past the first date and I have had plenty of those. I have not been on a date in the last four months however and I have had no desire for it recently. I just got sick of the same old shit. The last couple of dates I went on, I made absolutely no effort at all because I just didn't care for it anymore. The last time I made any effort, I actually got a second date (or more) out of it. My lack of effort is the biggest reason why I don't get past first dates anyway now that I think about it. I guess if I were to chose to date again, which will likely be never, I would have to put effort into the first date and then learn from there how to treat future dates afterwards.
I also remember the last time I felt truly happy with who I was. I wasn't thinking about dating any women at all and I did not care for any attention. I never forced anything and I never asked for any dates, nor did anyone ask me out on a date. I would go out with friends and just drink, and sometimes dance and I would not be worried about who wanted to dance with me and I would not think about it. I would hang out with friends and just have conversations about whatever crossed my mind. I would hear their pointless banter on who it is they are dating and whether they liked them or not. I minded my own damn business and so did other people. There were some connections made, but nothing overly emotional. I was at my happiest, able to communicate what I wanted and didn't want. I felt like I commanded some respect. Furthermore, I was a very goal oriented person and dating was always at the back of my mind and didn't often come up in the way I was thinking. It seemed easier to make friends this way.
To a degree, I have become superficial because the emotions of dating and relationships are too complex for me to fully understand. I can go ahead and try it out, but I know that I have nothing to offer anyone. I have got a lot to offer myself, and that is my mind, body and spirit. My mind knows that it is best clear headed. I have more often than not found that hard when dating people or attempting a relationship with someone.
October 5 2012- I had written the above paragpraphs over the course of the summer. I have since dated someone and my emotions seem to change each day as to how I feel about it. I now am beginning to truly understand why it is so difficult for a potential partner to accept us for who we really are. I always feel afraid she will walk away because she can't take how different I am anymore. I am always afraid I will do something so awful that she will be hurt. I always feel afraid of the commitment aspect because I am in unfamiliar territory. I am always afraid because I think she will see the obsessive side of me and it will scare her. I am always afraid that she will find something she thinks will be better because I am too different. Bottom line, I am always afraid of something. These fears are often unfounded. I guess I am used to being so alone and being somewhat free that I am just not used to someone actually showing some feelings towards me. The train of thought would have to be fixed if I were to be successful with her or anyone else for that matter.
I have noticed from the wrongplanet.net forums that other Aspies and Autistic people, but I am guessing it is mostly the Aspies, have voiced their frustrations about their inability to have a relationship with the opposite gender. I have also noticed it is mostly men, but there are the occasional women in there voicing their frustrations. I have done my best not to complain openly about my dating frustration on the forums, but more or less try and help the younger lads because they still have hope for the future. People around my age and older just don't seem to care as much anymore as some seem to accept the idea of being alone.
We have all read about what women really want. It seems to be broken down into the following things:
1. Women want what they perceive to be normal, happy, healthy and fit. Each women is different so the standards of what these traits are may be different. It seems that very few consider a person with Asperger's Syndrome to be normal, and some Aspies don't seem too happy either. Of course, telling someone you have Asperger's too soon will of course make that person run for the hills.
2. Women don't care what your intentions really are, because what they perceive your intentions to be will influence how they feel. At this point how they feel will likely never change no matter what you say or do.
3. They don't want someone that shows a total lack of regard and respect for women. Aspie males on the site seem to indicate (including myself) that they have a lack of trust for women based on previous dating history and from being bullied. Some (like me when I was younger) may end up taking this frustration out on the next one. Furthermore, I have noticed that some nice men (NT and Aspies) have severe entitlement issues and believe that women should be grateful to have someone like them in their presence. This is pretty off putting to a woman.
The entitlement issues seem to come from younger and more youthful aspies and I have been there myself. Once you hit your mid-twenties, this entitlement issue may change to some deeper, more complex issue if you have not fixed this already.
4. Experience matters. It seems to be common knowledge that women want a man with experience in relationships and in sex. It doesn't help now when some women are now categorizing the 30-40 year old virgins as undeserving of love. I am not a virgin myself, but I have only had sex enough times to count on one hand and I can assure you that each time was not with the same woman. If experience mattering holds any merit, I will never have a relationship and will likely never have sex again. I have found a lot of aspies on the website have never had sex either and the age varies between users.
5. Confidence- Need I say anymore. It's all in how you walk, and talk and this seems exciting to all women.
6. Women have little to no patience for people like us. There are many reasons why, but let's talk affection for a minute. Affection from an Aspie seems forced and unnatural unless it is learned. This may seem harsh to say, but a woman likes natural chemistry and a women won't stick around if affection seems forced.
Now back to me. My dating experience has been horrible to say the least. I rarely, if ever, get past the first date and I have had plenty of those. I have not been on a date in the last four months however and I have had no desire for it recently. I just got sick of the same old shit. The last couple of dates I went on, I made absolutely no effort at all because I just didn't care for it anymore. The last time I made any effort, I actually got a second date (or more) out of it. My lack of effort is the biggest reason why I don't get past first dates anyway now that I think about it. I guess if I were to chose to date again, which will likely be never, I would have to put effort into the first date and then learn from there how to treat future dates afterwards.
I also remember the last time I felt truly happy with who I was. I wasn't thinking about dating any women at all and I did not care for any attention. I never forced anything and I never asked for any dates, nor did anyone ask me out on a date. I would go out with friends and just drink, and sometimes dance and I would not be worried about who wanted to dance with me and I would not think about it. I would hang out with friends and just have conversations about whatever crossed my mind. I would hear their pointless banter on who it is they are dating and whether they liked them or not. I minded my own damn business and so did other people. There were some connections made, but nothing overly emotional. I was at my happiest, able to communicate what I wanted and didn't want. I felt like I commanded some respect. Furthermore, I was a very goal oriented person and dating was always at the back of my mind and didn't often come up in the way I was thinking. It seemed easier to make friends this way.
To a degree, I have become superficial because the emotions of dating and relationships are too complex for me to fully understand. I can go ahead and try it out, but I know that I have nothing to offer anyone. I have got a lot to offer myself, and that is my mind, body and spirit. My mind knows that it is best clear headed. I have more often than not found that hard when dating people or attempting a relationship with someone.
October 5 2012- I had written the above paragpraphs over the course of the summer. I have since dated someone and my emotions seem to change each day as to how I feel about it. I now am beginning to truly understand why it is so difficult for a potential partner to accept us for who we really are. I always feel afraid she will walk away because she can't take how different I am anymore. I am always afraid I will do something so awful that she will be hurt. I always feel afraid of the commitment aspect because I am in unfamiliar territory. I am always afraid because I think she will see the obsessive side of me and it will scare her. I am always afraid that she will find something she thinks will be better because I am too different. Bottom line, I am always afraid of something. These fears are often unfounded. I guess I am used to being so alone and being somewhat free that I am just not used to someone actually showing some feelings towards me. The train of thought would have to be fixed if I were to be successful with her or anyone else for that matter.
Saturday, 25 August 2012
Health effects Part 1- Smoking. (Non-Aspie post)
I know there are some people out there who are reading my blogs. I am actually quite surprised to see the number of people that were interested in reading my one blog about Aspies and dating part 1 and part 1 of my nervous breakdown series. I found myself even more surprised that people wanted to read my Aspie sense of morals post as well. The numbers aren't staggering by any means. What I have found though is that the numbers did jump up a little bit after I joined wrongplanet.net forums and contributed a little bit to the forums there. I think the majority of my readers come from that website since I do have a link on my profile there to this blog.
I have decided to stray away from the Aspie thing for this post for one reason. I have decided to talk about what I have noticed about the health effects of smoking. It will be a bit of a story as well.
I first tried smoking a cigarette when I was 13. The majority of people that smoke their first cigarette will not likely inhale during the first cigarette and smart people will noticed this as well. I was busted cold on this and was told to properly inhale. I coughed hard for a minute and it was at that moment I decided to never smoke.
I was 19 years old and bought a pack of cigarettes one day. I remember deciding to try a pack of DuMaurier Regulars. After a couple days, I threw the pack out with about 16 cigarettes out and thought to myself that I would not do this again. I once again proved myself wrong as I was smoking some Captain Black cigarillos a year later on occasion. The cigarillos are something you are not supposed to inhale anyway, and I don't think I ever did. I went on vacation and didn't touch a cigarette until I hit college in January of 2007. I was not smoking regularly at first and was probably only smoking five or less a day for a good while. Eventually the habit picked up and I was smoking about 8-10 a day.
I started to exercise regularly when I was 22 years old. I had no issue with smoking and exercising and was rapidly increasing my endurance despite my smoking habit. I went from being able to run very little to being able to run 5 km by the end of 2008. In 2009, I was able to run a little more than that. I have been able to run 8-10 km in the last year and that was during a time period when I was not smoking. However, at the age of 22, I was partying a lot too and consuming a lot of alcohol and smoking a lot when out. Eventually this started causing me heartburn and I had to watch how much I drink and smoked for a while. Of course my fitness routine reduced the effects of acid reflux significantly and I was needing medication for my heartburn periodically rather than every day.
I turned 25 years old and started getting dizziness and headaches. I was doing weightlifting and cardio routines consistently as well. I was able to attribute one spell of dizziness and headaches to acid reflux. So I figured from then on I would just take my medication when I felt these symptoms. Of course, things got bad at one point and the dizziness and headaches would come and go at least twice a month. I went to a doctor and based on the acid reflux diagnosis, I was given a blood test to take to determine whether I had stomach bacteria causing this issue for me. The test came back negative and I was clean of any bacteria. Yet I was still a smoker and I was still feeling dizziness from my chosen lifestyle. I did a lot of lifting at work as well and was working quite hard as well. I would find myself sick at least 2-3 times a week for the next while.
I decided one day to quit smoking using a book by a man named Allen Carr called "Easy Way to Quit Smoking" It helped me quit and I noticed a lot of energy in myself after I quit and the dizziness and headaches were significantly reduced and almost non existent. I never once took any pills for acid reflux during this time period as well. My fitness levels went up and I was able to lift heavier weights without feeling as tired or having as much pain in my chest from the smoking. I was doing pretty good. Eventually, the girl from the story I had in part 6 of my nervous breakdown series was a factor in my relapsing on my habit. I remember being quite arrogant during this time period as well.
I was not as physically active during the time period after I relapsed and I noticed that the headaches and dizziness weren't that severe either. I was able to make the connection there that working out and smoking has a drastic effect on your body. Sure working out makes you feel great about your own body, but the two lifestyle factors were working against eachother in a very harmful way. I also noticed that I was more likely to get heartburn from smoking.
So the point of this blog was simple. I understand everyone is different and each person can handle these kind of things differently from the next person. I am still a smoker today and I would advise people that like being physically fit that aren't smoking to never try it or if you had quit to never start again. What I told you is that smoking and physical fitness does not mix well. You may be fine at first, but the more intense you go with your workout routines, the more likely you will have your smoking habit and workout habits work against eachother in a harmful way. This is what I noticed as a 10-12 cigarettes a day type of smoker.
I have decided to stray away from the Aspie thing for this post for one reason. I have decided to talk about what I have noticed about the health effects of smoking. It will be a bit of a story as well.
I first tried smoking a cigarette when I was 13. The majority of people that smoke their first cigarette will not likely inhale during the first cigarette and smart people will noticed this as well. I was busted cold on this and was told to properly inhale. I coughed hard for a minute and it was at that moment I decided to never smoke.
I was 19 years old and bought a pack of cigarettes one day. I remember deciding to try a pack of DuMaurier Regulars. After a couple days, I threw the pack out with about 16 cigarettes out and thought to myself that I would not do this again. I once again proved myself wrong as I was smoking some Captain Black cigarillos a year later on occasion. The cigarillos are something you are not supposed to inhale anyway, and I don't think I ever did. I went on vacation and didn't touch a cigarette until I hit college in January of 2007. I was not smoking regularly at first and was probably only smoking five or less a day for a good while. Eventually the habit picked up and I was smoking about 8-10 a day.
I started to exercise regularly when I was 22 years old. I had no issue with smoking and exercising and was rapidly increasing my endurance despite my smoking habit. I went from being able to run very little to being able to run 5 km by the end of 2008. In 2009, I was able to run a little more than that. I have been able to run 8-10 km in the last year and that was during a time period when I was not smoking. However, at the age of 22, I was partying a lot too and consuming a lot of alcohol and smoking a lot when out. Eventually this started causing me heartburn and I had to watch how much I drink and smoked for a while. Of course my fitness routine reduced the effects of acid reflux significantly and I was needing medication for my heartburn periodically rather than every day.
I turned 25 years old and started getting dizziness and headaches. I was doing weightlifting and cardio routines consistently as well. I was able to attribute one spell of dizziness and headaches to acid reflux. So I figured from then on I would just take my medication when I felt these symptoms. Of course, things got bad at one point and the dizziness and headaches would come and go at least twice a month. I went to a doctor and based on the acid reflux diagnosis, I was given a blood test to take to determine whether I had stomach bacteria causing this issue for me. The test came back negative and I was clean of any bacteria. Yet I was still a smoker and I was still feeling dizziness from my chosen lifestyle. I did a lot of lifting at work as well and was working quite hard as well. I would find myself sick at least 2-3 times a week for the next while.
I decided one day to quit smoking using a book by a man named Allen Carr called "Easy Way to Quit Smoking" It helped me quit and I noticed a lot of energy in myself after I quit and the dizziness and headaches were significantly reduced and almost non existent. I never once took any pills for acid reflux during this time period as well. My fitness levels went up and I was able to lift heavier weights without feeling as tired or having as much pain in my chest from the smoking. I was doing pretty good. Eventually, the girl from the story I had in part 6 of my nervous breakdown series was a factor in my relapsing on my habit. I remember being quite arrogant during this time period as well.
I was not as physically active during the time period after I relapsed and I noticed that the headaches and dizziness weren't that severe either. I was able to make the connection there that working out and smoking has a drastic effect on your body. Sure working out makes you feel great about your own body, but the two lifestyle factors were working against eachother in a very harmful way. I also noticed that I was more likely to get heartburn from smoking.
So the point of this blog was simple. I understand everyone is different and each person can handle these kind of things differently from the next person. I am still a smoker today and I would advise people that like being physically fit that aren't smoking to never try it or if you had quit to never start again. What I told you is that smoking and physical fitness does not mix well. You may be fine at first, but the more intense you go with your workout routines, the more likely you will have your smoking habit and workout habits work against eachother in a harmful way. This is what I noticed as a 10-12 cigarettes a day type of smoker.
Monday, 20 August 2012
Why so Superficial? Where is the connection?
For those who may not understand what I mean by the title, I live in Canada. The culture over here is based off more fear than what a typical Aspie has. It is actually quite sad to say it. I know a lot may disagree with me, but everyone likes to judge a book by it's cover, so first impressions are so very crucial. That is just one point that will not be discussed much further. For me, superficial means being polite and nice to people without having to show any respect whatsoever, and without establishing any sort of emotional connection. It is also based off a bunch of silly guidelines that people give us on how to communicate with people in the real world. It is quite depressing to think about it.
Before I go any further, I would like to state that there are many people that find Aspies to be the most superficial of all. I will explain the reason for this differs to each person with Asperger's Syndrome. But I think the biggest culprit for Aspie superficial behaviour is because they have problems establishing an emotional connection with others. I will argue to the death that there are people out there that try and probably need a lot more work in order to establish such connections. For me, I believe my superficial behaviour comes from the fact that I tried to establish emotional connections with the wrong people in the past and I have built a certain degree of anxiety because of that.
I have talked to someone (an NT) recently through some messages about her experience in North America in the last couple years. She is from Europe and stated the differences to me about the difference in culture in her country and in the United States. It did get me thinking about how Canadians are not too different in terms of how people get a long with eachother. The key differences I remember being brought up in the back and forth instant messaging was how the way people communicate over here is considered rude in her country. She gave the example of how she would have conversations with people in public places and it actually sounded like a good talk between the two. She did not mention whether she felt there was a connection between her and the person she was talking to, but mentioned that the other did not ask for contact information so that they could communicate with eachother again. The next time she would see this person, this other person would act like a best friend. This is superficial in her eyes from what I interpreted. She did not point out if this was an Aspie thing or an NT thing, so I will assume for the purposes of this blog that both types of people do it since I have seen it.
Of course on another note, she pointed out that people were very superficial in the way they communicate with eachother. She pointed out how everyone is trained to say to eachother "Hey, how are you?" and the response is supposed to be "Good, and you?" This leaves pretty much no opportunity for small talk as I have witnessed myself (and done). It is an awkward way to start a conversation as well if that is the response you get to such a question. It often gives off the impression that the person answering the question does not want to speak at all. Not sure if this is superficial, or fear that people have. NT's do the same thing with eachother and the subtlety is picked up much easier by them than it is by me.
The difference in culture when it comes to getting one person's phone number was also brought up. Over in her culture, it is considered rude not to call or text right away, she understands people are busy, but the point is to call or text if you want people to believe you are interested. She gave her number out to a person and they didn't call for a couple days. Over here, I noticed this myself and was kind of reminded of it, that people over here like to play games with eachother. I don't get why, but I don't find much fun in chasing after people. You either want me around or you don't, I hate guessing. Going back on the receiving one's number here, we hear all sorts of strange opinions on when a person should call: must wait 24 hours, 2 days, etc. Why must things be so complicated? Because everybody to a degree has been trained to be superficial and play games. Another reason is because everyone is so afraid to make a connection, and it is not just an Aspie or NT thing either. Everyone can be quite superficial at times.
But of course now, this opinion came from a woman who visited North America for a couple years. The most important thing here to consider is that if she pointed out how superficial people really are, then I can assure you that others in North America have probably noticed it too. Women over here have always complained about the lack of respect that men give them, and it is simple reasons such as what I stated above has happened to them. It is not because someone wanted to sleep with them, or because someone was nice to them. It really is that simple. How many missed opportunities men have because they were afraid or rejection or followed some silly guideline that they heard from a friend who knows absolutely nothing, or from some expert that says "Do this, not that"? Of course, I should not put the blame on one particular gender, or race. If a person is trained to be superficial in how they relate to and communicate with other people, the ability to establish emotional connections with other humans will be severely limited. And yes, there are women who do some of these same things and I understand that it works both ways.
You also have to wonder why people listen so carefully to what others think. I remember we have this thing in our body called "animal instinct." The animal instinct is primarily used for survival and reproduction (my opinion, bare with me). This is also part of the natural fight vs flight responses of a human being (listen to your brain, you will run). Here are some important questions to answer as well: How do you expect to make connections with others if you never follow your instinct? Why do you have to listen to what others think? Why listen to an expert who tells yo to do this, and not that when it comes to guidelines about when to talk to someone? Why are you so afraid?
Before I go any further, I would like to state that there are many people that find Aspies to be the most superficial of all. I will explain the reason for this differs to each person with Asperger's Syndrome. But I think the biggest culprit for Aspie superficial behaviour is because they have problems establishing an emotional connection with others. I will argue to the death that there are people out there that try and probably need a lot more work in order to establish such connections. For me, I believe my superficial behaviour comes from the fact that I tried to establish emotional connections with the wrong people in the past and I have built a certain degree of anxiety because of that.
I have talked to someone (an NT) recently through some messages about her experience in North America in the last couple years. She is from Europe and stated the differences to me about the difference in culture in her country and in the United States. It did get me thinking about how Canadians are not too different in terms of how people get a long with eachother. The key differences I remember being brought up in the back and forth instant messaging was how the way people communicate over here is considered rude in her country. She gave the example of how she would have conversations with people in public places and it actually sounded like a good talk between the two. She did not mention whether she felt there was a connection between her and the person she was talking to, but mentioned that the other did not ask for contact information so that they could communicate with eachother again. The next time she would see this person, this other person would act like a best friend. This is superficial in her eyes from what I interpreted. She did not point out if this was an Aspie thing or an NT thing, so I will assume for the purposes of this blog that both types of people do it since I have seen it.
Of course on another note, she pointed out that people were very superficial in the way they communicate with eachother. She pointed out how everyone is trained to say to eachother "Hey, how are you?" and the response is supposed to be "Good, and you?" This leaves pretty much no opportunity for small talk as I have witnessed myself (and done). It is an awkward way to start a conversation as well if that is the response you get to such a question. It often gives off the impression that the person answering the question does not want to speak at all. Not sure if this is superficial, or fear that people have. NT's do the same thing with eachother and the subtlety is picked up much easier by them than it is by me.
The difference in culture when it comes to getting one person's phone number was also brought up. Over in her culture, it is considered rude not to call or text right away, she understands people are busy, but the point is to call or text if you want people to believe you are interested. She gave her number out to a person and they didn't call for a couple days. Over here, I noticed this myself and was kind of reminded of it, that people over here like to play games with eachother. I don't get why, but I don't find much fun in chasing after people. You either want me around or you don't, I hate guessing. Going back on the receiving one's number here, we hear all sorts of strange opinions on when a person should call: must wait 24 hours, 2 days, etc. Why must things be so complicated? Because everybody to a degree has been trained to be superficial and play games. Another reason is because everyone is so afraid to make a connection, and it is not just an Aspie or NT thing either. Everyone can be quite superficial at times.
But of course now, this opinion came from a woman who visited North America for a couple years. The most important thing here to consider is that if she pointed out how superficial people really are, then I can assure you that others in North America have probably noticed it too. Women over here have always complained about the lack of respect that men give them, and it is simple reasons such as what I stated above has happened to them. It is not because someone wanted to sleep with them, or because someone was nice to them. It really is that simple. How many missed opportunities men have because they were afraid or rejection or followed some silly guideline that they heard from a friend who knows absolutely nothing, or from some expert that says "Do this, not that"? Of course, I should not put the blame on one particular gender, or race. If a person is trained to be superficial in how they relate to and communicate with other people, the ability to establish emotional connections with other humans will be severely limited. And yes, there are women who do some of these same things and I understand that it works both ways.
You also have to wonder why people listen so carefully to what others think. I remember we have this thing in our body called "animal instinct." The animal instinct is primarily used for survival and reproduction (my opinion, bare with me). This is also part of the natural fight vs flight responses of a human being (listen to your brain, you will run). Here are some important questions to answer as well: How do you expect to make connections with others if you never follow your instinct? Why do you have to listen to what others think? Why listen to an expert who tells yo to do this, and not that when it comes to guidelines about when to talk to someone? Why are you so afraid?
Friday, 20 July 2012
Aspie sense of morals?
Growing up, I found that I was raised off a set of morals that were kind of set up by my parents, some direct, some indirect. Some of these morals were about smoking, drinking, drug use, sex, among other things. I have read through some of these forums on wrongplanet.net, and I am not surprised to see a strong sense of morals from other Aspies and people with autism. I just had a thought that since I did break some of my own moral rules, and others still have not been broken, what are your moral rules?
That is the question I will pose to the forum some day. I have thought about it doing it now, but ultimately decided to leave it for a blog posting for now.
1. Don't drink alcohol in excessive amounts, keep it moderate if you do choose to drink (broken this rule several times)
2. Don't have sex outside of a loving and committed relationship, drunken one night stands are unacceptable (broken this rule of course)
3. Never smoke cigarettes (like father, like son- rule broken. He did quit over 20 years ago, but I was still old enough to remember seeing him do it)
4. Never do drugs, not even marijuana. It is morally wrong and unacceptable (broken the rule, cannabis and hash oil only)
5. Never get addicted to anything (Broken, addicted to nicotine, on and off again addiction with sugar, was once addicted to caffeine, was once addicted to cannabis. No matter what anyone says, you can get addicted to cannabis. Trying smoking that stuff everyday for a while and then quit. It is tough, but not as tough as cigarettes.)
6. Never hit a woman, ever (Never broke this rule)
7. Never commit a crime that you will get sent to jail for (on a technicality, rule is not broken since I have never been arrested or been charged with a crime)
8. Do unto others as they do unto you/Treat others as you wish to be treated (Sometimes broken, depending on the person. For the most part, I am faithful to this rule).
9. Love and respect your family and close friends (I think I am safe on this one)
10. Always remember to love and respect yourself and accept who you are and where you came from. With this, you will know where you are going. (Broken this rule, but unlike other rules, this broken rule is not necessarily always my fault).
That is the question I will pose to the forum some day. I have thought about it doing it now, but ultimately decided to leave it for a blog posting for now.
1. Don't drink alcohol in excessive amounts, keep it moderate if you do choose to drink (broken this rule several times)
2. Don't have sex outside of a loving and committed relationship, drunken one night stands are unacceptable (broken this rule of course)
3. Never smoke cigarettes (like father, like son- rule broken. He did quit over 20 years ago, but I was still old enough to remember seeing him do it)
4. Never do drugs, not even marijuana. It is morally wrong and unacceptable (broken the rule, cannabis and hash oil only)
5. Never get addicted to anything (Broken, addicted to nicotine, on and off again addiction with sugar, was once addicted to caffeine, was once addicted to cannabis. No matter what anyone says, you can get addicted to cannabis. Trying smoking that stuff everyday for a while and then quit. It is tough, but not as tough as cigarettes.)
6. Never hit a woman, ever (Never broke this rule)
7. Never commit a crime that you will get sent to jail for (on a technicality, rule is not broken since I have never been arrested or been charged with a crime)
8. Do unto others as they do unto you/Treat others as you wish to be treated (Sometimes broken, depending on the person. For the most part, I am faithful to this rule).
9. Love and respect your family and close friends (I think I am safe on this one)
10. Always remember to love and respect yourself and accept who you are and where you came from. With this, you will know where you are going. (Broken this rule, but unlike other rules, this broken rule is not necessarily always my fault).
Sunday, 15 July 2012
Bullying.
I did feel that for the most part growing up, that I was always a victim of bullying. I got physically bullied up until grade 6, but realized that since I was so big compared to everyone else in my classes that I might as well use my size to my advantage. Didn't get physically bullied after that, but emotionally I was still easy to pick on. Sometimes someone crossed the line and I cleaned their clock. They didn't try it again. However, I got labelled a violent kid as a result and other people would bully me, emotionally, for that reason. My emotional meltdowns at school usually included some strange threats and people running away in fear. My parents would then keep me at home for a couple days. I did get involved in school sports throughout both elementary and high schools, and was usually one of the first picked because of my athletic abilities. People only used me when they could benefit from doing so.
High school was similar to a degree, but a lot of people left me alone due to fear of what I might do if they angered me. There were those who did not have fear and did try to physically and emotionally bully me during gym classes and lunch time games. I stood up for myself quite well I thought, but people tried to tell me that "You will get your butt kicked if you think you can take me out. You got no one supporting you, I got the whole school." I tested that theory with one person, and everyone felt he deserved it and didn't back him up. I was left alone for a while, then it continued. Part of the reason I was bullied was because I did not play high school football, and I was pressured heavily by the players and coaches due to my size and pent up anger. I played soccer instead and the soccer players got little respect from the other sports teams in the school, especially the football players. Throughout school, I was used to girls saying about me "he is gross/ugly/creepy/weird." I also had to deal with new students at school saying to me "Why is she/he telling me not to talk to you?"
I got to college and did find people more accepting. At first, one classmate invited me out for a double date, but I apparently offended my date and he would not tell me how. I stopped communicating with him shortly after. Other people within our group eventually pushed him out and we all kind of pushed each other away after as well. I did find people were more open to communicating with me if they bumped into me. Then I hit a minor depression again and snapped out of it and started to take fitness and nutrition more seriously. I still had my friends, but I had not communicated with them after college was done.
Now I am past college experience and in the work world in a different city. I don't hang out with anyone I work with, and usually stick with familiar faces that moved here as well. I am also more prone to hang out with roommates and neighbours. I have not been bullied at all at work, but I usually don't get invited to hang out with co-workers outside of work. I find that people don't usually come to talk to me, or sit with me either. I initiate most of the conversations I have others. I don't really fit in at work and I think that is what causes my depression now.
Now after tall this, the thing I hate most about what I have said is that it had been all repressed until a couple months back when I hit another period of depression. Now I realize just how deep things went for me because everything I did my best to forget about it is coming back to the surface.
High school was similar to a degree, but a lot of people left me alone due to fear of what I might do if they angered me. There were those who did not have fear and did try to physically and emotionally bully me during gym classes and lunch time games. I stood up for myself quite well I thought, but people tried to tell me that "You will get your butt kicked if you think you can take me out. You got no one supporting you, I got the whole school." I tested that theory with one person, and everyone felt he deserved it and didn't back him up. I was left alone for a while, then it continued. Part of the reason I was bullied was because I did not play high school football, and I was pressured heavily by the players and coaches due to my size and pent up anger. I played soccer instead and the soccer players got little respect from the other sports teams in the school, especially the football players. Throughout school, I was used to girls saying about me "he is gross/ugly/creepy/weird." I also had to deal with new students at school saying to me "Why is she/he telling me not to talk to you?"
I got to college and did find people more accepting. At first, one classmate invited me out for a double date, but I apparently offended my date and he would not tell me how. I stopped communicating with him shortly after. Other people within our group eventually pushed him out and we all kind of pushed each other away after as well. I did find people were more open to communicating with me if they bumped into me. Then I hit a minor depression again and snapped out of it and started to take fitness and nutrition more seriously. I still had my friends, but I had not communicated with them after college was done.
Now I am past college experience and in the work world in a different city. I don't hang out with anyone I work with, and usually stick with familiar faces that moved here as well. I am also more prone to hang out with roommates and neighbours. I have not been bullied at all at work, but I usually don't get invited to hang out with co-workers outside of work. I find that people don't usually come to talk to me, or sit with me either. I initiate most of the conversations I have others. I don't really fit in at work and I think that is what causes my depression now.
Now after tall this, the thing I hate most about what I have said is that it had been all repressed until a couple months back when I hit another period of depression. Now I realize just how deep things went for me because everything I did my best to forget about it is coming back to the surface.
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