The word 'love' and what does it really mean anyway?

This is probably one of the more emotional topics I think I will ever write about.  I spent the last couple weeks away from this blogging because I am writing a story that is pretty much based on my life when I was 22 years old and the struggles I went through for self-acceptance at that moment in time.  As I am writing, I am starting to feel that the book is lacking any real emotion.  Might be a common thing for Apsies, but I don't know that for sure.
Love is a word and I know that for sure.  What does it really mean though?  I am not certain that I have ever truly and properly used that word in an emotional context.  I have used that word and may have treated it like an idea or word rather than what it is actually is.  I know I have never used that word to describe how I feel about my friends.  The reason why is because I don't think I feel that close to anyone of my friends to actually say the words and mean it.
My family on the other hand, I can't remember the last time I have ever expressed how I truly felt about them.  I don't know for sure how I am viewed by my own family.  I talk to my parents at least once a week.  I almost never talk to my only brother.  I usually don't speak to relatives unless I am visiting my parents.  I guess it is safe to say that my inability to be close to others really runs that deep.  When I think about it, I never used the words "I love you" to my parents, or any other family member in a long time.  I see and hear my friends say that to their parents all the time. 
The most important part is how I really feel about myself.  My feelings about myself change all the time, and that is where the problem lies.  One week i love myself, and the next week not so much.  I can't blame myself for things out of my control, but I do anyways and that leads me to feeling more upset with myself.  Eventually, I get over what upset me and move on.  I don't know for sure why that happens.  I do know that I have a history of depression and I always put a lot of pressure on myself.  I also seem to believe that people don't like me for what I am either and that probably isn't true either.  I do think people are scared by their inability to read me, and don't know when to take me serious or not.
For the reasons above, my feelings for me is what makes people run away.  It is also the reason why people don't hear from me that often.  I simply don't want people to see me for who I really am.  The reason why, is maybe because I still have a long road to finding true self-acceptance and self-love.  Forget Aspergers Syndrome and forget depression, and forget obsessive compulsive disorder.  Those words should no longer have anything to do with who I am.  In my own mind, I need to make myself a person and not just an idea.