For those who have Asperger's Syndrome, it may or may not be noticeable to other people. I wish I really knew how to explain this well, but I will do my best.
I got friends, family and co-workers and some acquaintances that know that I am an Aspie. Some people I will allude to the fact that I do have it without actually being direct and upfront about it. Like I have said in a previous post, we cannot live by the label of it if we don't want other people to label us however they want. There is very little understanding of what Autism or Asperger's Syndrome is, but I will do my best to explain that another time and give my own opinion on that subject.
For many of my closer friends, and yes I do know now that they do exist, they remember what I was like when I was younger. The ones that were there with me in my childhood saw the lack of self-esteem growing up, and the lack of eye contact. They saw a person that was easy to manipulate and tease and get going. What they also saw and this is most important, they also saw a guy that could not read social cues very well. I still have the problem of reading social cues properly, but I usually understand when people are making a joke or when people seem upset. I can read some body language too, so I know that I can use that to my advantage as well to know when to back off someone or not.
There were also people around me in school that saw me get harassed. It happened at home too since that is where it seemed to have started, but I think it happened more at school. I did get bullied a lot growing up and I have retaliated in the same manner to some people. It is not something to be proud of, but I do know that I wanted people to leave me alone. The harassment and bullying from what I have learned about myself growing up has caused me to become more guarded and it appears that new people coming into my life see this. This may have been the real root of my problem to establish and maintain new relationships with people. But when does one know when to keep their guard up and when to drop it. That is why I like meeting friends through other friends since I am already more relaxed in the company of familiar people. This helps me out big time.
New people in my life as I have already stated see that I am pretty guarded since they may be able to pick that up in my body language or through verbal communication. What they don't see is the mannerisms of a person who has Asperger's Syndrome. A big reason why is because most don't know what it is. Those who do know what it is or have an understanding usually would not have a clue. I think a big reason why is I have worked pretty hard on becoming normal throughout the course of my life. I can carry on a normal conversation with friends and I know when to keep quiet. When in a situation where I think i am on a date, I have no clue how to interact with people. I did not initially have problems with going out on dates. I think it is because I have had bad dating experiences is why I have no clue how to interact with a person while out on a date. I find it especially hard when doing online dating through a website like Plentyoffish for example.
My experience with online dating is even worse because the first few people I have met badly misrepresented themselves either through lying on their profiles or through misleading profile photos (photos don't match the actual person). There are also the number of people that justify standing up their dates. For that reason I have problems with Plentyoffish and come across more guarded there than I do with people I meet in person. There have been people since that did not lie or misrepresent themselves. The problem there is it did not work out (pretty easy to accept, especially when communicated), or I just never gave the person a chance after the first date. However, the common thing I have noticed through these dates were that the other person was scared of my body language or had problems reading it. This is how I knew that I had to come across as more relaxed or at least try and communicate this through eye contact and body language.
Despite all of these situations I have been in life, not one person knows for sure that I do have Asperger's Syndrome. I seem to act very normal but have the odd comment that comes out of my mouth (or touchpad/keyboard) every here and there. I am a very self-aware Aspie who knows that he has to do his best to fake his emotions when necessary as well. I know I have to be relaxed in social situations or I will not do very well in the long run. I also realize that I have to control my depression and OCD as well. I still don't believe in medication however, and refuse to take any.
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