Bullying, and Using.

Someone on the autism forums actually asked a question about whether people are attracted to bullying or not.  This person that posed the question has this ill-conceived notion that some women he met are attracted to the type that will bully other people to assert dominance.  If that is the case, he has found the wrong women and possibly found himself in the wrong crowd.  Chances are he couldn’t tolerate being bullied anymore. 

Bullying

Most people I know and meet are not even turned on by bullying at all.  It actually upsets them and makes them run away.  Granted, the person who doesn’t stand up for themselves when being bullied isn’t really doing himself any favours either.  Maybe this might be the real issue for the person that posed the question, but since there weren’t many details given, we can’t make that assumption.  I have come to realize that a lot of bullies tend to lash out due to some perceived insecurity they might have.  The person who doesn’t stand up for himself has guilt issues.  That’s all you need to know about that. 

As for the question about why women may or may not be turned on by it, it’s a simple answer.  Any women who is attracted to bullying is crazy.  Enough said on that one.  Why a women isn’t turned on by it?  There are probably many reasons as to why.  The simplest reasons for me is that although they do like a decisive man who can protect them and make them feel safe, bullying doesn’t make them feel safe.  Chances are their emotions are telling them “When does the abuse come my way?”  That’s the single biggest reason why I believe women are turned off by bullying.

Using

From a man’s point of view, they don’t usually have to worry about women bullying them.  What they do have to worry more about is the mind games and using that some women they come across do to them.  If not smart enough to deal with it, or just simply ignoring the signs, the man has himself to blame for the bullshit that may ensue.  I am not putting all the responsibility on the man for what women do to them, some women eventually learn that what goes around always comes back around as well.  The way women like to play games is by getting into the head of someone else.

A possible scenario is the girl asks the guy that likes her what he is doing and tags along.  The guy wanted to see her and that’s why he wants her there.  They go to hang out with some friends at a house party and the girl decides to hit on one of his friends.  This friend may or may not know what the guy feels for this girl and may give in to the signals.  If something happens, the girl used you to get to another guy (presumably to use him as well).  If you liked the girl, you will learn at this point that you won’t tolerate this moving forward.  Telling her off is a very complicated thing to do because you might be wrong if she wasn’t using you and didn’t realize you had feelings (didn’t tell her).  If feelings were revealed and she didn’t give a clear sign that she liked you, part of the game she may play with you is to make you feel guilty for telling her off.

Can the user or bully learn?

You can tell the person what they are doing is wrong, but it’s up to them to listen.  You can never make another person listen to you no matter how hard you try.  It’s also not your fault if they don’t like what they are hearing from you (truth can hurt, but sometimes necessary).  They have to be willing to communicate and understand where you are coming from.  If they refuse to listen to you, they didn’t care for you to begin with or maybe you were mean with what you said.  Chances are when they know better they may come crawling back looking to make amends.  I rarely see anyone come crawling back to me, they either learn their lesson or they don’t when they come across new people in the future.  However, your defense mechanism may be turned on and you may end up choosing to keep that person at arm’s length moving forward if they do come back into your life.  This may turn that person off for any possible reason.