It's been a while since I posted anything. Having discussed recently with other people about self-defeating habits and patterns of behaviour, I started writing some ideas down. However, these ideas don't even reflect what I had written months ago on this blog about this self-defeating series I had written. Some of the ideas I had written then were just the beginning of some of my own research. Since then, I have accepted Christ and have made time for God in my life. I have actually been more joyful, peaceful and happy since. I can find myself enjoying life more: at work, at home and in my social life.
I have written a book that includes ideas from previous blog entries I had written. These ideas include my life experience, my depression, my attempts at trying to understand what is Aspergers and what is not, and even including some of the little fables I had written ("Tale of the Honest Man" and "Window of Opportunity" come to mind). I look at the past with this blog and upon reflection, this blog in itself is a story of the self-defeating mind and very tragically relates to what Pick-up Artists go through. I never looked at myself as one, but this blog heavily reflects that of a person that is one. A good chunk of blog entries relates to dating and trying to understand why I had problems attracting women.
So as I looked through that book I had written recently, I realized that I had some good ideas written down. I detailed the experience of what a man diagnosed with Aspergers would likely go through before he accepts himself as he is. There are some dark thoughts here and there, and there are some examples in there that illustrate the lack of tact or social skills a person may have. I do think the book could use some editing for sure. There is no way the book can be released as is. But the ideas have laid down the foundation. The journey starts from the day I had written my blog entry about my thoughts and feelings on the Newtown shooting (December 15, 2012). The decision to start reading the "Power of Now" after that day is detailed. But I look back at it now, I don't regret reading that book or even looking at other spiritual self-help books. It brought me to God, and I realized that spiritual books do more to help my personal growth than a book on Social Intelligence or Aspergers ever will.
However, I realized after reading that book was that I found my relationships with women improved. How did this happen? I will explain in a second. But there are also pitfalls that comes from reading that book. After observing what was going on, and knowing that I was beginning to express myself and let go more appropriately, I also observed that I was able to live in the present moment without any real fear. I observed that this helped my relationships with women. I mentioned this to the friend that recommended the book to me, and he agreed that the book does help relationships with women. When offered advice on what worked with women and didn't, I declined to figure things out on my own. I don't regret that decision either.
The Pitfalls
The PUA community uses this book: Google it if you don't believe me. This is number one and can be found in all my answers as to why. I actually came to understand after a while that my insecurity matched that of a lot of women in the 18-25 age range. Part of the problem was having been with women whom I was dating in that age range. Once I realized what these insecurities were, I started realizing what I was doing that came across as insecure.
The harsh reality of women in that age range for the most part is they do spend lots of time growing up and trying to find themselves. A good chunk of men in the 19-27 age gap will be doing this as well. Outside of socializing, school and work, and away from the boyfriend/girlfriend, there is a lot of growing up going on. It's as simple as that. Of course, part of growing up is dealing with our own insecurities.
Emotional immaturity/insecurity: When socializing, we try not to focus on self-reflection. We enjoy the moment. I ended up figuring out the obvious. Women in that age gap who happened to be emotionally immature or insecure will always go for what they feel in that moment and they never ignore what their emotions are telling them and ignore logic and questions like "how would my boyfriend/girlfriend feel?". They may act like children in that regard. They will forget their boyfriends and do what they feel like doing. You also can't exclude men from behaving in this manner either. We can deal with consequences later provided it works in the way we want it to (which it may not, and we place blame and responsibility on others anyway for getting mad at us). In these moments, we aren't interested about the future or past, we are interested about the now.
PUA's may even use the now to justify irresponsibility: Especially for women. If you read enough on the internet, you'll notice that PUA's are obsessive about coming across like the "real alpha male" and placing himself as a man with "higher value" than other men. They also treat women like they are incapable of responsibility. The reason why is actually kind of simple: There are people out there that are concerned about the now regardless of the consequences it could have on their relationships.
Eckhart Tolle's message is being taken for granted: The point of this book is a very spiritual message, albeit a very Buddhist message at that IMO. He even gives warnings in the book about using the present moment for enjoyment and states that you still have to plan for the future, but work on those plans in the current moment as well. He also mentions that you must be able to deal with a problem in the moment, ignore it, or leave the environment without regretting your decision and complaining about it later.
The western world is very non-spiritual and very ego-centric as it is. So people were not going to listen to or read the spiritual message in the book. But from reading the spiritual message, you can understand some very important messages in the book.
The book references the ego, and the egoic mind repeatedly. He even mentions the dangers of the "Collective Ego" (more detailed in "A New Earth"). He warns people not to use the book for their own ego or they will miss the point of the message. Some people may have actually used this book to enhance their egos. This alone is a dangerous thing, and I had to discover this danger firsthand. I admit I didn't read the book to enhance my ego, but when it became easier to sleep with women, the ego started to evolve (I moved from having been with two women to having been with seven in a span of six months).
Manipulation can become easier: It is easier to hide your insecurities from reading this book. I don't remember reading "hide your insecurities and don't work on them" in the book at any point. But once you understood what makes people insecure, it was easier to find ways to manipulate them. Yes, a diagnosed Aspie realized how easy it can be to manipulate people. He also realized that he could still be manipulated just as easily.
One key point in the book was to be "non-reactive" and to listen when someone needs to be heard (a message that may have been repeated from John Gray's "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus"). This is good advice. But I wonder how many people misinterpreted the "non-reactive" and just simply took it literally and did nothing. I know I chose to do nothing and be non-reactive after a while. You think it brought people closer? It didn't. What it did was convince people I lost interest in them. I eventually had to learn how to listen as well.
Life today:
If it weren't for the path I took, I wouldn't know what progress I would have made. I wouldn't be discovering self-defeating habits. I also wouldn't be developing my relationship with God. I am very happy with where I am going. And this being a Sunday after a long and busy week, I do feel like resting and maybe doing some writing on my own. I will enjoy the day, and maybe take part in viewing the Super Bowl. I am no football fan, but I do hope Peyton Manning wins with the Denver Broncos.
No comments:
Post a Comment