22 years old. The most fun I think I have ever had in my adult life. I did not think of my AS. On the day of my 22nd birthday, I broke out of my winter slump that year in interesting fashion. One person that said they liked me was lying to me. She was deliberately leading me on. She said she was going to see me that night on my 22nd birthday and was coming from out of town to do so. I suspected a lie was being told, and eventually called her at her home number to find she never left. I gave her a piece of my mind and it was over. But that was not a breakdown. No real rage, or crying. Just me being disappointed and upset with someone.
After this I started losing weight, and decided to take on my demons. I was finishing up my first diploma at college and was in a fight with myself over what I should do with my life. I was not going to go into a career with the diploma I had, since I was no longer interested in that type of career. I wanted to become a law enforcement officer, and that was the belief coming into my mind. Trust me, with my attention to details I would be a good police officer. But my body language skills would be terrible. I was also working a somewhat crappy job at Pizza Hut. Add to it, I was working on quitting my addiction to smoking marijuana. Say all you want about marijuana not being addictive, but I know I had an addiction.
Time went by, and I graduated school, and I had to make some tough decisions. I knew I was going back to school, and I wanted to try living away from home for the first time. I was setting some goals for myself, and I knew I needed a certain amount of money to sustain living away from home for some time. So I asked for full-time hours at Pizza Hut and was rejected. Their idea was to book me for Saturday and Sunday morning shifts. I had enough of this and immediately looked for alternative employment. I was also hitting up the bars at this time because I enjoyed it. I was getting good at dancing with the girls there, and my confidence was booming. My ego was growing, and I was somehow handling it well.
It all came about in a time period where I had gone 10 days without touching marijuana. I was smoking cigarettes more often than I was used to as a result. I got a job interview for a company called Craaytech Painted Plastics (it closed down six months later, I quit three weeks before that happened). Craaytech was a factory job and I would be working full time. I managed to meet a girl at the bar one night, and I somehow was able to pick up on the cue that she was interested. Something was happening that I could not explain. Was it possible that AS was just a figment of people's imagination? Or was I really smart enough to read body language. Anyway, i got the girl's number, gave her a call the next day and had a date set up. I also got the job at Craaytech, but working the 4pm-midnight shift. Everything was looking up. Nothing could possibly go wrong now.
The first and second dates went really well. The second date went so unexpectedly, that we somehow ended up with our clothes off and exploring eachother's body. There was no intercourse, but it could have happened. I finished my first week of work, while also having to find a way to have my last two shifts covered at Pizza Hut because this time they booked me on during the Friday afternoon shift and Saturday. I couldn't find anyone and management agreed to find someone. By the time Thursday hit that week, they found noone and I was told I was responsible. That started a fight, and I walked out. The next day I was phoned while at Craaytech and told not to show up to work on Saturday either. Although I handed in my notice, I somehow got fired before the two weeks were done. I also went out to the bar with the girl and her friends and it was stressful for me. After that night, we didn't see each other for a couple days and she ignored my texts or calls. This started a fight. I relapsed on my marijuana, and then I talked to her, and she figured out what was wrong. She decided to call it off with me, and said that we will continue this after some time. I found out on facebook a couple days later that she started a relationship with someone else. I felt betrayed there, and she eventually found out that I hated her for it. Meanwhile, I was about to find out that I was going to be working more hours than the 40 hours that I bargained for. I now had no spare time, and noone to talk to.
The breakout happened, and I did it in front of my dad and came clean about the pot smoking and everything else that was going on. I was about to throw everything away with this breakdown because life suddenly became too hard. I think this happened because I had finally gotten so much, somehow found I could not handle it, and let it all slip away. I think the bruise to my ego is what caused the breakdown here. It is possible that it does happen with others with Aspergers. I just think this breakdown happened in spurts too because I was freaking out for a second at random moments, and then I finally let out my emotions.
My parents kicked my ass into gear and suddenly I stopped smoking pot for good (well, there were a few occasions about 3 years later). The bar nights continued to happen, and I would give the ex date the cold shoulder if I saw her in public (she especially hated it when her boyfriend was not around). Life suddenly became funny. I somehow had a smile on my face in the end.
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