I wrote the following below around May or June. Looking at what I had written, and what I had gone through this year, the list below seems to ring some truth to it. I don't think I was bullshitting at all after reading through it.
This goes without saying that this blog is more or less for everybody and not just those with Aspergers Syndrome. For those of you who do smoke and/or drink, you find that your body is not accepting the poison and you also find that your eating habits are drastically different as a result. Because of the change in your eating habits, your hormones are now acting much differently. Or maybe your eating habits are bad to begin with and you are not a smoker or a drinker.
Food
I remember watching "Super-size Me" recently where the document-er went and ate McDonald's everyday for a whole month and at every meal. What we saw before that was a man who ate healthy vegan based foods, stood 6'2" (height doesn't change) weighed 185 lbs, had approximately 10% body fat and was very fit to a man who gained 27 lbs, his body fat shot up to 18%, and he became lethargic. His girlfriend in the documentary pointed out that his sex drive decreased significantly, and his doctors and nutritionists after about 20-23 days told him to stop out of fear that he would die. His body changed so significantly that people feared for his life. It apparently took him 14 months on his girlfriends detox diet to bring him back down to his normal weight again. Just think that it takes so little to jump your weight up, and how hard it is to bring your weight back down
Clearly from the above example, his hormones changed dramatically because of the foods that he ate. He expressed that he was getting depressed as the experiment went on explaining that his serotonin level dropped significantly. What I can see out of this was that his testosterone levels were also down if he had low sex drive. I am unsure how it affected his oxycotin levels, but if he was suffering from low sex drive, than the usual bonding after an orgasm probably would tell me he didn't cuddle much with his girlfriend. I am also not sure how much soy based products were used in the foods that make McDonald's foods. If there are soy based products in all of those foods, then he clearly raised his estrogen levels which may indicate the inability to keep his muscle mass. It is also guaranteed that his refined sugar intake went up tenfold with this diet. The testosterone level also explains the lower muscle mass. Since he did seem to want to drive more than walk after a while, then he clearly was suffering from a lower dopamine level as well as he was unable to seek rewards. Releasing of endorphins also likely affected his ability to keep his serotonin levels balanced. Now he had an amazing support circle around him for the documentary, and I as an Aspie don't always have the best support group.
Alcohol
Alcohol is one of the most well known depressants. A lot of alcoholic beverages contain high amounts of sugar as well as carbohydrates. In fact the sugar is the carbohydrates and considering that beer is an alcoholic drink, it may have contained starch products from wheat or barley or hops products. While these carbohydrates are not bad in moderation, they can lead to problems if consumed too much in one sitting or too often. Refined sugar has the ability to get you more hooked than, and I dare say it, nicotine, and that is what is scary about the amount of sugar in these drinks. The more sugar in your drink, the worse your hangover will be the next day. Of course, the more you smoke the worse the hangover is as well and I know that from experience. I honestly like to go out on occasion with friends and have a few drinks and have a good time and maybe even go out dancing. Alcohol can relax you a little bit, but it also depresses you. Just imagine what happens when you are dancing with a girl you feel you like, and some jerk comes along and takes your girl and she leaves the bar with that jerk. It doesn't make you feel good at all (this situation only applies if you genuinely like the girl and you met her ahead of time and not that night)
Let's take a look at what the effects of alcohol or even the sugar has on your body during these situations. If the drink is a depressant, the chances are your serotonin level will be decreased. What I don't understand about it is that we still seek pleasure from drinking even when we can't get it. Your testosterone is known to be reduced through consumption of alcohol, making sex even harder for men, and is also considered harmful for estrogen. I don't know how people think that having sex when they are drinking is a good idea as it doesn't seem like it would be fun or pleasurable considering what the drink is doing to your hormones. I have found that making out with people may help increase a social bond to a degree, but not enough since that may be the only time you ever see that person. Oxytocin may be irrelevant in these scenarios unless there was a different kind of bonding going on. Furthermore, Dopamine levels are clearly dropped since you may not really be seeking any kind of reward, but are more or less, just becoming more agreeable to suggestion. I would figure the only thing that you may be doing is releasing some endorphins through the dancing going on.
The Evil Cigarette
Cigarettes are probably the most harmful to your health, nutrition and your physical fitness. The strange thing is that you can do it for your whole life before it finally kills you in however many years it takes to catch up to you. If McDonalds foods can kill a person quickly if they eat it enough times over a short period of time, try smoking a lot more than you currently do and see what happens. When I quit smoking, I was able to run up to 5 miles without stopping compared to being barely able to squeeze out 3 miles without huffing and puffing. I was sweating more profusely as a smoker when I was working out. My body didn't have enough oxygen to support me when working out and my lungs and heart were telling me this. I couldn't really increase my strength on weight lifting without my chest feeling some sort of pain and without my head feeling really dizzy. As a smoker, you cannot try and exercise and be a smoker, your body is telling you that. So when I relapsed and tried to go for a run, I found myself stopping after 15 minutes because it was too hard to continue. It takes that much for smoking to ruin your fitness. My dopamine level is clearly affected as I am unable to seek out rewards, and now my fitness standard has dropped. Since this is depressing to me, my serotonin level has likely dropped as well.
Of course, smoking is also considered anti-social now, which is probably why I relapsed because I withdrew from a situation I perceived as not beneficial for me and isolated myself from the people that put me in that situation. This is where my Aspie mind came into play. I stupidly bought a pack of cigarettes because I was so depressed that I thought it would make me feel better. It did not and my serotonin level probably dropped even further. I felt incapable of seeking out new friends, so being able to bond with people is going to be affected through my oxytocin level. Considering that smoking is anti-social, are the people I withdrew from going to want to bond with me now? I don't know for sure what is going to happen. I went from being depressed one day, to being stressed out the next day and that isn't good for any hormones. If that isn't bad enough, I noticed that my sex drive had increased after a while when I stopped smoking. It took a few days for it to drop again. How lovely is that, now my testosterone levels have dropped because of this habit.
My eating habits weren't very good, but I did notice that my overall health was horrible when I was a smoker. Ever have problems in your chest after a meal because you smoked, or in your stomach or throat? How bout the dizziness and headaches that you felt? How did you feel about yourself as a person? How was your response to pain? Or how about your energy levels? All of this is affected by your smoking habit. It also depresses you when you realize you don't have money to spend because all you did was buy cigarettes when you did not need to. And if you consume high amounts of refined sugar, the health problems are also increased with the smoking habit. I feel almost all of my hormones are affected negatively as a smoker. I don't know why I did it again, and I have decided to make a target date for quitting again. I know I can do this since I did it before.
So think about your hormones when you engage in any bad habits. Think about how your hormones would be affected by your decision making. I think it is quite obvious that pills are not needed to help effect your hormones.
Saturday 29 December 2012
Abuse: there is no excuse for bad behaviour!!!
We have discussed this so many times in the forums at WrongPlanet. It's appalling to hear how many NT women come into the love and dating section and tell us all stories about how the Aspie boyfriend of theirs is giving them a whole bunch of frustration. The questions that are asked are in regards to whether the traits or scenario they are in shows their Aspie is abusive, or just displaying an Aspergers trait.
I will make it clear that I am not encouraging you to believe that everyone with Aspergers is like this. I will not say that I never abused anyone in some sort of way either. Yes, I have seen the occasional NT male post there about their experience with an Aspie female. However, these scenarios are far and few between. It is common knowledge by now that Aspie male-NT female relationships are very hard for the female to deal with. But abuse comes in any scenario and abuse is not to be confused with Aspergers.
I just want to say this before anyone reads the scenarios below. I am not in anyway an expert on abusers. I just had this crazy thought cross my mind about how I would define the types of abusers I have come across. I might actually fit into a couple of these scenarios.
Scenario #1. Insecure and frustrated "nice guy": What i read and how I feel from what I read is that there are guys who think they are nice guys. But they are really not. They actually have nothing to offer to anyone. So they get pissed off when someone they call a "jerk" takes the girl and "treats her like crap" Let the girl figure out for themselves what they want to do and offer them your heart if you really are a nice guy. No guy has the right to refer to themselves as "nice guys". These jerks are probably nice guys themselves and the girl probably does get hurt by them. These "jerks" probably make it up to them if they want the girl to stay around. These "jerks" probably have feelings. This insecure and frustrated "nice guy" has no feelings for anyone but himself. And the feeling this "nice guy" has is self-hatred. This is unattractive. Calling these girls "sluts" or "bitches" is not going to help you win a girl over.
Scenario #2- The Sadist. Feelings are more honest than thoughts are. The only exception to this rule is when one is feeling pain and wants others to feel it. Only then are feelings abusive. Feelings are more honest than thoughts are. So you have to do your best to remember that thoughts are sometimes best kept to yourself. Now lets get to the abuse that comes with the feelings.
So you are dealing with a painful moment and you might be sad about this feeling. You lash out at the people around you even though it is the person you lashed out at that you don't have the problem with. At this moment, you have created a problem that didn't exist before. This problem might not go away now. The person you lashed out at will now associate you with pain and abuse, especially if the abuser wants to continue to feel this pain. This is where relationships might end up going downhill if this behaviour is not addressed accordingly. The abused is going to communicate that this behaviour was unacceptable. Failure to address this will of course result in the end of the relationship and I can assure you this break will be a bad one
Scenario #3- Mr/Ms. Brutal Honesty. Yes honesty is a good thing when it is appropriate. But there are scenarios where it isn't. Take for example that almost all girls have some sort of insecurity and don't like it being addressed or exposed. Guys are like this too, but the guy that openly exposes this insecurity will immediately be dismissed as a romantic partner. Girls on the other hand aren't dismissed based off some sense of insecurity as easily. It's a horrible double standard, I know. But keep this in mind. A person who openly exposes an insecurity will likely abuse their partner based on their insecurity. Take a look at the insecure "nice guy" for example.
Honesty. A girl looks better in makeup compared to not wearing makeup. She knows this and she feels insecure about it. But telling her when she is not wearing makeup that you don't think she is hot is hurtful. Telling her that you think she would look better if she lost a bit of weight is also abusive and makes her feel unappreciated. It's a horrible feeling for a person to have: feeling unappreciated. Guys, face it. Most of you are lucky to even have the attention of a good woman. When you have this attention, don't abuse it. Most women regardless of how they look will always get more attention than you. Accept this and hopefully you will realize that you should treat your woman better when you have her. The honest one obviously has no skills in manipulation (why would they? they are too busy being honest)
Scenario #4- The control freak. Wants you to spend all your time and energy on them. They won't like it when you spend time with other people and try and make you feel bad for leaving them alone for extended periods of time. The control freak will even insist on coming out with your friends as well. The control freak wants to know where you are at all times, but they might not want to let you know where they are making this pain worse for the abused. Most control freaks don't even have their own friends because they might actually show the traits of a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and everyone else is sick of them too. The control freak wants you to make them your life. This depresses the abused beyond belief. The control freak is hard person to leave if they have some kind of leverage that you don't have.
Scenario #5- The attention whore- Let's face it. The attention whore loves getting the attention, but doesn't like giving much in return. They abuse people based off the loving feeling given to them. I have no explanation as to why the attention whore doesn't like giving attention in return, but my guess is they have some kind of fear of it. The attention whore is not strong at manipulation.
You give this person attention and they like it, but you notice they never seem to reciprocate the same attention at any point. The relationship is so one-sided (if there happens to be one) that the abused ends up feeling hurt with the lack of reciprocation. Noone has to worry about being controlled in this scenario, but why wait for a phone call when you could just go and enjoy your life doing other things. The attention whore has a weakness and it shows when they stop receiving attention. However, the attention whore is likely dating others and looks for non-exclusivity from any partners. Any committed relationship with them will have you wondering who they are out with and what they are doing when you are not with them. This isn't healthy for you to be thinking too much. This abuser is likely not in control of themselves either and makes themselves easy targets for a Pickup Artist.
Scenario #6- The Victim Syndrome I am not sure what else to say about the person who thinks they are the victim. They sound a lot like the Sadist, but the Sadist wants others to feel their pain while the victim just wants undeserved empathy. Some victims may even want pity. But let's be honest here about all the good people: Who wants to be pitied anyway?
The victim of course is probably the most selfish of all abusers. They even manipulate in a way that not even the control freak knows how. The alleged victim is going to do all they can to make the abused feel bad about anything they do for them. The alleged victim will always turn everything around and make it all about them. If caught early on, it's easy to leave and see past the bullshit. However, the further along into the relationship, the worse it gets. The real victim is the person being abused while the other will make themselves the victim because they don't get the appreciation they feel they deserve (They likely didn't earn the affection). It's a horrible situation for the real victim to be in. If there is anyone that will never apologize for anything, it is the alleged victim.
Scenario #7- The only interested in sex Pickup Artist (PUA). The only thing that matters to the majority PUA's is sex. The difference between the PUA and the attention whore is the attention whore may not be as interested in sex. The pain and abuse they cause is only temporary anyway. After all, they just want to have sex because it makes them feel better. Of all people on this list though, the PUA is the most likely to change because they realize they can't do this forever. It is easy to see past the bullshit of a PUA for most women. However, most PUAs are usually targeting a weak spot and they do take advantage of it. The PUA knows how to manipulate. PUA's may or may not target women who are involved with another man.
The reason it is easy to fall for a PUA is because they know how to present themselves as fun loving, carefree and confident. They know how to get women to sleep with them. The reason they change is they find someone they actually like and do everything to keep this person around. So of course, the pain a PUA may cause is usually only temporary. But the list of people the PUA has slept with is probably a long one. There are some PUA's that can't break the cycle though and are stuck being alone and looking for sex for their whole lives. But of all people on this list, they know what they want more than any other abuser does. And they accept that they will hurt people along the way.
Don't mistake bad behaviour for Aspergers. These types of people exist regardless of some disorder or illness. It may be the nature of the person's personality, and this personality needs to be worked on.
I will make it clear that I am not encouraging you to believe that everyone with Aspergers is like this. I will not say that I never abused anyone in some sort of way either. Yes, I have seen the occasional NT male post there about their experience with an Aspie female. However, these scenarios are far and few between. It is common knowledge by now that Aspie male-NT female relationships are very hard for the female to deal with. But abuse comes in any scenario and abuse is not to be confused with Aspergers.
I just want to say this before anyone reads the scenarios below. I am not in anyway an expert on abusers. I just had this crazy thought cross my mind about how I would define the types of abusers I have come across. I might actually fit into a couple of these scenarios.
Scenario #1. Insecure and frustrated "nice guy": What i read and how I feel from what I read is that there are guys who think they are nice guys. But they are really not. They actually have nothing to offer to anyone. So they get pissed off when someone they call a "jerk" takes the girl and "treats her like crap" Let the girl figure out for themselves what they want to do and offer them your heart if you really are a nice guy. No guy has the right to refer to themselves as "nice guys". These jerks are probably nice guys themselves and the girl probably does get hurt by them. These "jerks" probably make it up to them if they want the girl to stay around. These "jerks" probably have feelings. This insecure and frustrated "nice guy" has no feelings for anyone but himself. And the feeling this "nice guy" has is self-hatred. This is unattractive. Calling these girls "sluts" or "bitches" is not going to help you win a girl over.
Scenario #2- The Sadist. Feelings are more honest than thoughts are. The only exception to this rule is when one is feeling pain and wants others to feel it. Only then are feelings abusive. Feelings are more honest than thoughts are. So you have to do your best to remember that thoughts are sometimes best kept to yourself. Now lets get to the abuse that comes with the feelings.
So you are dealing with a painful moment and you might be sad about this feeling. You lash out at the people around you even though it is the person you lashed out at that you don't have the problem with. At this moment, you have created a problem that didn't exist before. This problem might not go away now. The person you lashed out at will now associate you with pain and abuse, especially if the abuser wants to continue to feel this pain. This is where relationships might end up going downhill if this behaviour is not addressed accordingly. The abused is going to communicate that this behaviour was unacceptable. Failure to address this will of course result in the end of the relationship and I can assure you this break will be a bad one
Scenario #3- Mr/Ms. Brutal Honesty. Yes honesty is a good thing when it is appropriate. But there are scenarios where it isn't. Take for example that almost all girls have some sort of insecurity and don't like it being addressed or exposed. Guys are like this too, but the guy that openly exposes this insecurity will immediately be dismissed as a romantic partner. Girls on the other hand aren't dismissed based off some sense of insecurity as easily. It's a horrible double standard, I know. But keep this in mind. A person who openly exposes an insecurity will likely abuse their partner based on their insecurity. Take a look at the insecure "nice guy" for example.
Honesty. A girl looks better in makeup compared to not wearing makeup. She knows this and she feels insecure about it. But telling her when she is not wearing makeup that you don't think she is hot is hurtful. Telling her that you think she would look better if she lost a bit of weight is also abusive and makes her feel unappreciated. It's a horrible feeling for a person to have: feeling unappreciated. Guys, face it. Most of you are lucky to even have the attention of a good woman. When you have this attention, don't abuse it. Most women regardless of how they look will always get more attention than you. Accept this and hopefully you will realize that you should treat your woman better when you have her. The honest one obviously has no skills in manipulation (why would they? they are too busy being honest)
Scenario #4- The control freak. Wants you to spend all your time and energy on them. They won't like it when you spend time with other people and try and make you feel bad for leaving them alone for extended periods of time. The control freak will even insist on coming out with your friends as well. The control freak wants to know where you are at all times, but they might not want to let you know where they are making this pain worse for the abused. Most control freaks don't even have their own friends because they might actually show the traits of a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and everyone else is sick of them too. The control freak wants you to make them your life. This depresses the abused beyond belief. The control freak is hard person to leave if they have some kind of leverage that you don't have.
Scenario #5- The attention whore- Let's face it. The attention whore loves getting the attention, but doesn't like giving much in return. They abuse people based off the loving feeling given to them. I have no explanation as to why the attention whore doesn't like giving attention in return, but my guess is they have some kind of fear of it. The attention whore is not strong at manipulation.
You give this person attention and they like it, but you notice they never seem to reciprocate the same attention at any point. The relationship is so one-sided (if there happens to be one) that the abused ends up feeling hurt with the lack of reciprocation. Noone has to worry about being controlled in this scenario, but why wait for a phone call when you could just go and enjoy your life doing other things. The attention whore has a weakness and it shows when they stop receiving attention. However, the attention whore is likely dating others and looks for non-exclusivity from any partners. Any committed relationship with them will have you wondering who they are out with and what they are doing when you are not with them. This isn't healthy for you to be thinking too much. This abuser is likely not in control of themselves either and makes themselves easy targets for a Pickup Artist.
Scenario #6- The Victim Syndrome I am not sure what else to say about the person who thinks they are the victim. They sound a lot like the Sadist, but the Sadist wants others to feel their pain while the victim just wants undeserved empathy. Some victims may even want pity. But let's be honest here about all the good people: Who wants to be pitied anyway?
The victim of course is probably the most selfish of all abusers. They even manipulate in a way that not even the control freak knows how. The alleged victim is going to do all they can to make the abused feel bad about anything they do for them. The alleged victim will always turn everything around and make it all about them. If caught early on, it's easy to leave and see past the bullshit. However, the further along into the relationship, the worse it gets. The real victim is the person being abused while the other will make themselves the victim because they don't get the appreciation they feel they deserve (They likely didn't earn the affection). It's a horrible situation for the real victim to be in. If there is anyone that will never apologize for anything, it is the alleged victim.
Scenario #7- The only interested in sex Pickup Artist (PUA). The only thing that matters to the majority PUA's is sex. The difference between the PUA and the attention whore is the attention whore may not be as interested in sex. The pain and abuse they cause is only temporary anyway. After all, they just want to have sex because it makes them feel better. Of all people on this list though, the PUA is the most likely to change because they realize they can't do this forever. It is easy to see past the bullshit of a PUA for most women. However, most PUAs are usually targeting a weak spot and they do take advantage of it. The PUA knows how to manipulate. PUA's may or may not target women who are involved with another man.
The reason it is easy to fall for a PUA is because they know how to present themselves as fun loving, carefree and confident. They know how to get women to sleep with them. The reason they change is they find someone they actually like and do everything to keep this person around. So of course, the pain a PUA may cause is usually only temporary. But the list of people the PUA has slept with is probably a long one. There are some PUA's that can't break the cycle though and are stuck being alone and looking for sex for their whole lives. But of all people on this list, they know what they want more than any other abuser does. And they accept that they will hurt people along the way.
Don't mistake bad behaviour for Aspergers. These types of people exist regardless of some disorder or illness. It may be the nature of the person's personality, and this personality needs to be worked on.
Sunday 16 December 2012
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle vs Aspiemike's mind (Part 1)
The first few pages on the Power of Now. I feel I have been told that thinking too
much is a disease. Therefore I should
feel that Aspergers itself is a disease. The other part of me feels that it's
part of who I am.
Aspergers in its whole is high intelligence acquired by
raising your knowledge of subjects that interest the individual that has
Aspergers. The desire to increase your
intelligence may cause others to feel that you are arrogant, rude and
disrespectful of others feelings. The
desire for intelligence causes one to isolate themselves rather than to try and
seek out connections with other human beings.
Funny thing is I currently feel no desire to become more intelligent.
What I feel compelled to do is become more adaptable.
Happiness can manifest itself in isolation, but needs to be
felt through human interaction. This is
a feeling that everyone strives for. I
can’t speak on behalf of everyone, but this thought/feeling may hold some truth
to it.
While intelligence turns on the women I have met at first,
it feels very disturbing to them when your mind can't be turned off. Everyone just wants to be felt, especially the
women I have met. I am starting to see why I failed
in many attempts to form friendships and possibly establish relationships with
women. The Aspie male truly wants to be
felt, but his mind is not letting this happen.
Everyone else can see this about the Aspie male, but the Aspie male’s
mind is creating too much of a conflict within himself. The Aspie mind then tries to make this
conflict within his mind and turn it into a conflict with the people they are
with. The mind creates a self-fulfilling prophecy and causes a path of self-destruction. This itself was the disease.
The social aspect was the disorder since it
is based off feelings and words and therefore has no cure. The social interactions can only be
improved. Isolation is then needed to
recharge the batteries since social interaction can be very tiring even for the
most normal thinking people.
The social aspect is really where a person can make themselves
feel good. Feeling good allows others to
come in and feel good with you. It is a
vibe that you give off that makes people want to stay around. If you are thinking too much in a social
situation, you will give off a bad vibe.
People will tell you to “go with the flow.” What they really mean by that is that you are
thinking too much and worrying about any possible consequences to your actions/words/body
language/etc. What they want to see is a
person that really doesn’t care. The
Aspie male’s problem here is that he cares too much. The Aspie male is too self-conscious. The Aspie male has a conflict going on in his
mind. The mind is interfering with his
ability to feel.
You know, this doesn’t just apply to Aspergers Syndrome
itself. This applies to everyone. Each and everyone of us always has these kind
of issues. The Aspergers mind likes to have you think for longer and prolong the conflict within. This itself is the disease. This is why we are supposed to be getting help.
Friday 14 December 2012
My thoughts and feelings on the Connecticut school shooting.
Here is the link:http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/15/nyregion/adam-lanza-an-enigma-who-is-now-identified-as-a-mass-killer.html?_r=0
December 15- This first paragraph I am adding now. The rest below was written last night. I just want to make sure that everyone knows that I don't condone the actions of this young man in Connecticut. I feel horrible that someone could even do such a thing. I want to make it very clear that killing is not an option in this world and there are no rewards for it. There is definitely no reward for suicide either. This kind of event brought out some bad feelings in me, just like it did for everyone else. Of course, my condolences go out to the loved ones of those who were lost in that tragedy. I don't speak on behalf of everyone on the spectrum or anyone else either. I speak for myself. I can assure you that some of my thoughts could reflect how others on the spectrum might be feeling after that. Furthermore, don't jump to conclusions yet as to what made the kid decide to do it. The truth is that noone will ever know for sure. I simply can't have empathy for someone who kills though.
I want to give you an idea of how I feel about todays shootings in Connecticut. I just read that the shooter was apparently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. This is not a good thing for anyone diagnosed with it or anywhere else on the Autism Spectrum. The media may play up on the fact that people who they perceive to be disabled or diseased are dangerous people. I believe this will have a very dangerous impact as to how normal people in America and maybe up here in Canada will perceive people on the spectrum. This will have a dangerous impact on how people on the spectrum will be treated.
There will be a stigma that will follow with this that some will have a hard time escaping. For a lot of people on the spectrum who worked hard and fought their whole lives to be treated with respect and dignity, I can probably speak for all of us when I say we don't deserve such treatment. There are a lot of misguided people in this world regardless of how a person thinks, or feels, or no matter what their spirituality is. One bad apple does not speak for the rest of us.
For people to believe someone like me has no empathy and is dangerous enough to kill is hurtful. Do not even think for a second that referring to my previous blogs on here about my meltdowns as a pre-teen is proof that we are dangerous people. I got all the help I could get and I am thankful for it. I feel horrible that someone thinks its okay to go and kill people. Believe me when I say this, I was never trying to kill someone in any of my meltdown stories. I just wanted to be left alone when I got picked on and bullied. Think of how you like to be treated and empathy becomes easier (you see people getting treated badly, you can empathize because you have been there). I would not say that all people with Aspergers are uncomfortable. That is not the case at all. I can speak for myself a little when I say I am a little slow. I am sometimes unforgiving of the way I am treated and that is due to the fact that I don't want people who treat me like crap staying in my life.
On a side note, I remember being picked in on high school to a degree and there was once a rumour that people started that said I was a person who had a hit list and was going to shoot up the school. This really did hurt my feelings and I remember confronting the person that started the rumour when I found them out. I asked that person to stop and they did. What they told me in response though was "You can't be mean to your friends." From that point forward I remembered who my friends were. I had fun with my friends.
Aside from the details that people have about the kid. I was definitely more social than the media reports of the kid. People at high school knew who my friends were. They knew I had connected with people. To look at me like a person who has absolutely noone is hurtful. I have family, I talk to them all the time. I have close friends from Peterborough that live in Ottawa. I have pictures with them on my facebook. Bottom line is simple. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone needs reasons to be happy. I have my reasons. I also prefer moments of isolation as well to take care of me and recharge my batteries. Doesn't mean I am looking for an excuse to do something bad. The truth is, I am misunderstood and can be very confusing.
One bad apple does not speak for the rest of us. One bad apple can fall far away from the tree. One bad apple does not define the tree it fell from either. Remember that.
December 15- This first paragraph I am adding now. The rest below was written last night. I just want to make sure that everyone knows that I don't condone the actions of this young man in Connecticut. I feel horrible that someone could even do such a thing. I want to make it very clear that killing is not an option in this world and there are no rewards for it. There is definitely no reward for suicide either. This kind of event brought out some bad feelings in me, just like it did for everyone else. Of course, my condolences go out to the loved ones of those who were lost in that tragedy. I don't speak on behalf of everyone on the spectrum or anyone else either. I speak for myself. I can assure you that some of my thoughts could reflect how others on the spectrum might be feeling after that. Furthermore, don't jump to conclusions yet as to what made the kid decide to do it. The truth is that noone will ever know for sure. I simply can't have empathy for someone who kills though.
I want to give you an idea of how I feel about todays shootings in Connecticut. I just read that the shooter was apparently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. This is not a good thing for anyone diagnosed with it or anywhere else on the Autism Spectrum. The media may play up on the fact that people who they perceive to be disabled or diseased are dangerous people. I believe this will have a very dangerous impact as to how normal people in America and maybe up here in Canada will perceive people on the spectrum. This will have a dangerous impact on how people on the spectrum will be treated.
There will be a stigma that will follow with this that some will have a hard time escaping. For a lot of people on the spectrum who worked hard and fought their whole lives to be treated with respect and dignity, I can probably speak for all of us when I say we don't deserve such treatment. There are a lot of misguided people in this world regardless of how a person thinks, or feels, or no matter what their spirituality is. One bad apple does not speak for the rest of us.
For people to believe someone like me has no empathy and is dangerous enough to kill is hurtful. Do not even think for a second that referring to my previous blogs on here about my meltdowns as a pre-teen is proof that we are dangerous people. I got all the help I could get and I am thankful for it. I feel horrible that someone thinks its okay to go and kill people. Believe me when I say this, I was never trying to kill someone in any of my meltdown stories. I just wanted to be left alone when I got picked on and bullied. Think of how you like to be treated and empathy becomes easier (you see people getting treated badly, you can empathize because you have been there). I would not say that all people with Aspergers are uncomfortable. That is not the case at all. I can speak for myself a little when I say I am a little slow. I am sometimes unforgiving of the way I am treated and that is due to the fact that I don't want people who treat me like crap staying in my life.
On a side note, I remember being picked in on high school to a degree and there was once a rumour that people started that said I was a person who had a hit list and was going to shoot up the school. This really did hurt my feelings and I remember confronting the person that started the rumour when I found them out. I asked that person to stop and they did. What they told me in response though was "You can't be mean to your friends." From that point forward I remembered who my friends were. I had fun with my friends.
Aside from the details that people have about the kid. I was definitely more social than the media reports of the kid. People at high school knew who my friends were. They knew I had connected with people. To look at me like a person who has absolutely noone is hurtful. I have family, I talk to them all the time. I have close friends from Peterborough that live in Ottawa. I have pictures with them on my facebook. Bottom line is simple. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone needs reasons to be happy. I have my reasons. I also prefer moments of isolation as well to take care of me and recharge my batteries. Doesn't mean I am looking for an excuse to do something bad. The truth is, I am misunderstood and can be very confusing.
One bad apple does not speak for the rest of us. One bad apple can fall far away from the tree. One bad apple does not define the tree it fell from either. Remember that.
Sunday 2 December 2012
Making excuses: Why every issue should not be blamed on your autism/aspergers.
Obsession. Anxiety. Love. Social skills. Intimacy. Affection. Depression.
These are many things that I am finding that people on the autism spectrum complain about. It is kind of dumbfounding to think about it. These are issues that a lot of people off the spectrum have issues with as well, but none of them blames it on being normal. So when a few Aspies/Auties are acting all weird about these issues, they start blaming it on their autism. Why? I fail to see how this helps a person grow. I don't see a person who is doing this as someone who is accepting of themselves at all. Now to the key points brought up at the beginning.
Obsession: Everyone obsesses over something from time to time. The problem from my experience and with other people on the autism spectrum is that they seem to think this will scare people off. This is not necessarily true. People get scared when someone is obsessed with them and is doing things that aren't normal when it comes to obsessive behaviours (Stalking, either in person or through the internet). It is not the autism's fault. If you have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), then maybe that helps make the issue bigger. The only way obsession becomes a problem is if you don't figure out how to control it. For example, if something is bothering you, deal with it. Things that bother you are what is causing obsessive behaviour most of the time.
Example. You think someone doesn't like you anymore and the thought bothers you to the point that you become obsessed over it. You ask the person directly in a way that feelings won't be affected. Afterwards, you can move on knowing that you did your best and not caring what the answer was.
Anxiety- A variety of reasons can contribute to anxiety. I don't think this should solely be blamed on autism. Anxiety can be caused by traumatic experience in the past, being hurt by others too many times, a bad experience in a certain situation, and the list goes on. I also believe that paranoia is the biggest cause of anxiety, but that is a much deeper issue itself. Obsession may also cause anxiety. Any other reasons I have stated about making excuses for that matter can cause anxiety. The only thing to do is to step outside your comfort zone and allow yourselves to live a little.
Love- Let's be fair here. History shows that people with Aspergers find it very difficult to show appreciation and love towards other people. Well, it's time to debunk the myth that people with Autism are not capable of loving others. It is easy to love others, but it has to go down to who loves themselves. A normal person may not truly love themselves, so loving others becomes an issue too. Why blame it all on Autism? Everyone knows that is not fair.
Social skills- This is one issue that I think that autistics have some rights to make an excuse for. I find some on the spectrum have indicated that they developed better social skills than others. In the non-verbal context, I find the issues much deeper when it comes to social skills. However, the one thing to learn is that you have to get to know someone to be able to pick up on their body language and figure things out. Some people are given the chance, while others are not.
Intimacy-Don't think for a second that this can be blamed on autism or aspergers. Never blame a lack of intimacy on something like that. Communication is an issue when it comes to intimacy as people don't seem to know how to communicate with one another in regards to this issue. Provided people give eachother a fair chance, intimacy will either be enjoyed, or become an issue based off communication and misunderstanding.
Affection- Same deal with intimacy. Affection plays a role with attraction however. Simply put, if you don't understand how attraction works, then you will not know how to be affectionate with other people.
Depression- This could be for a variety of reasons and it may be because you are different and others see it and make you feel inadequate compared to them and look down on you. You reveal your weaknesses too soon to new people and they exploit these weaknesses the first chance they get. Maybe it's for other reasons and it might have to do with your lack of social skills. Depression and Autism are linked close together, and there are links between the two. However, If you have no idea what is causing the depression you might be feeling at any given point, don't point to being autistic or having Aspergers Syndrome just yet.
It's quite appalling that everyone will blame every single issue they have on being autistic or having Aspergers syndrome. So maybe you should focus on yourself and grow. Forget what everyone else says and remove the negative minded people from your life if that helps. You will be much better off for doing so.
These are many things that I am finding that people on the autism spectrum complain about. It is kind of dumbfounding to think about it. These are issues that a lot of people off the spectrum have issues with as well, but none of them blames it on being normal. So when a few Aspies/Auties are acting all weird about these issues, they start blaming it on their autism. Why? I fail to see how this helps a person grow. I don't see a person who is doing this as someone who is accepting of themselves at all. Now to the key points brought up at the beginning.
Obsession: Everyone obsesses over something from time to time. The problem from my experience and with other people on the autism spectrum is that they seem to think this will scare people off. This is not necessarily true. People get scared when someone is obsessed with them and is doing things that aren't normal when it comes to obsessive behaviours (Stalking, either in person or through the internet). It is not the autism's fault. If you have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), then maybe that helps make the issue bigger. The only way obsession becomes a problem is if you don't figure out how to control it. For example, if something is bothering you, deal with it. Things that bother you are what is causing obsessive behaviour most of the time.
Example. You think someone doesn't like you anymore and the thought bothers you to the point that you become obsessed over it. You ask the person directly in a way that feelings won't be affected. Afterwards, you can move on knowing that you did your best and not caring what the answer was.
Anxiety- A variety of reasons can contribute to anxiety. I don't think this should solely be blamed on autism. Anxiety can be caused by traumatic experience in the past, being hurt by others too many times, a bad experience in a certain situation, and the list goes on. I also believe that paranoia is the biggest cause of anxiety, but that is a much deeper issue itself. Obsession may also cause anxiety. Any other reasons I have stated about making excuses for that matter can cause anxiety. The only thing to do is to step outside your comfort zone and allow yourselves to live a little.
Love- Let's be fair here. History shows that people with Aspergers find it very difficult to show appreciation and love towards other people. Well, it's time to debunk the myth that people with Autism are not capable of loving others. It is easy to love others, but it has to go down to who loves themselves. A normal person may not truly love themselves, so loving others becomes an issue too. Why blame it all on Autism? Everyone knows that is not fair.
Social skills- This is one issue that I think that autistics have some rights to make an excuse for. I find some on the spectrum have indicated that they developed better social skills than others. In the non-verbal context, I find the issues much deeper when it comes to social skills. However, the one thing to learn is that you have to get to know someone to be able to pick up on their body language and figure things out. Some people are given the chance, while others are not.
Intimacy-Don't think for a second that this can be blamed on autism or aspergers. Never blame a lack of intimacy on something like that. Communication is an issue when it comes to intimacy as people don't seem to know how to communicate with one another in regards to this issue. Provided people give eachother a fair chance, intimacy will either be enjoyed, or become an issue based off communication and misunderstanding.
Affection- Same deal with intimacy. Affection plays a role with attraction however. Simply put, if you don't understand how attraction works, then you will not know how to be affectionate with other people.
Depression- This could be for a variety of reasons and it may be because you are different and others see it and make you feel inadequate compared to them and look down on you. You reveal your weaknesses too soon to new people and they exploit these weaknesses the first chance they get. Maybe it's for other reasons and it might have to do with your lack of social skills. Depression and Autism are linked close together, and there are links between the two. However, If you have no idea what is causing the depression you might be feeling at any given point, don't point to being autistic or having Aspergers Syndrome just yet.
It's quite appalling that everyone will blame every single issue they have on being autistic or having Aspergers syndrome. So maybe you should focus on yourself and grow. Forget what everyone else says and remove the negative minded people from your life if that helps. You will be much better off for doing so.
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