Accept a person as they are.

Now the positive side I hear is that good Aspies actually have a tendency to listen to you and will do what you ask of them if you aren’t mean to them.  Most Aspies are smart enough to figure out when someone is trying to force them to change because the other couldn’t accept them.  Even we know that this is a recipe for a bad relationship or friendshp.  I had to learn this the hard way.  And it was a harsh lesson as well.  It did make me question several times whether my Aspie traits made me a friend another person didn't want around.  Truth is, no it wasn’t.  But the negativity I carried from this kind of experience made me a bad friend to have when new people entered my life.

I have also heard many women say that they seem to like the challenge in men.  Well, an Aspie could be a challenge that might be worth it as well.  Sure you may learn that empathy may be a hard thing for an Aspie to learn, but let the Aspie male express the desire to learn empathy on their own.  I would say the same for guys that get involved with Aspie women.  Trying to force us to do things will ultimately cause some negative energy directed towards you.  I’m sure you have learned from previous dating experience that this could likely result in the same with an NT man or woman.

The worst thing that anyone can do (and this includes anyone diagnosed with Aspergers), is make the other person feel as if you don’t accept them as they are.  There are so many subtle hints and so many direct hints given that someone just isn’t accepting you as you are.  Yet they don’t seem to mind your attention either.  It’s a very rough spot to be in for the person doing the chasing here.  

I feel these are the most obvious hints that indicate that someone just isn’t accepting of who I am:

1.     Doesn’t want to meet me halfway.  I have mentioned before that communication and understanding is key to successful relationships.  If the communication and understanding is so one-sided or there isn’t any, there likely won’t be a successful relationship.  I can assure you that anyone who has dated me can speak up about this.  Some even felt I wasn’t meeting them halfway.

2.      Doesn’t understand my need for direct communication- or simply refuses outright to understand it.  I have had women insist that I learn to read their body language (even when they aren’t consistent with their body language) and also insist that I am the same as any other guy they have met.  If I ask for your plans and if you can do something with me on a certain day, the only way I know for sure I have a yes for an answer is “yes.”  Any “maybe” or mixed signal I get will automatically have me assume “no” for an answer.  And I know people hate it when I make assumptions as well.

3.      Assumes I should know what they want without telling me- The girls I have dated didn’t like it if I do that with them and neither did the friends I made.  I can also tell you that two wrongs don’t make it right.  If you can’t tell the other person what you want, there are no feelings to consider.

4.      Points out my shortcomings, but never my strengths- I am a brutally honest person myself at times.  If you can’t even point out my strengths or tell me what you like about me and insist on telling me what makes me a bad person in your eyes, prepare for me to point out your faults as well.  Again, I know that two wrongs don’t make it right, but if I feel like I am getting attacked, I will go on the defensive.  I know my dad is like this as well.

5.      Mindgames and jealousy- This never works on an Aspie and maybe other good NT men in general.  We don’t know for sure that you want us unless you make it obvious.  If you expect him to run through hoops for you to win you over, he won’t play that game.  In fact, he will let you have the other options until you sort out your emotions.  The Aspie usually decides not to play this game as we don’t find it very fun.  I have had countless women try this on me only to see me not play along.  I usually never hear from them again, so I of course had the same feeling they might have had for me: they just didn’t care.