Dealing With Change

Yes, we all like to have things as they are.  Sometimes life is easier that way and it makes us comfortable.  We don’t have to run away from anything and life seems fine.  However, change can happen on a moment’s notice.  How do we adapt to change?  Sometimes change can be stressful as well because we are brought out of our comfort zone and we have to face something unknown to us.  We simply have to deal with it.

Change happens everywhere.  The government could implement a new law that says noone is allowed to smoke anywhere.  Just imagine the panic that will happen for those who are smokers.  Imagine the results of banning tobacco.  I know the government will never allow this to happen here because they would lose a lot of money off the taxes that come from the sales of tobacco.  But can you imagine the widespread panic that smokers now have to stop smoking and deal with this change, even if they aren’t ready to deal with it?

That’s simply the point I am making here.  Change can happen without us being ready for it.  This comes from simpler things in life.  Take loss of employment, loss of a romantic partner or the need to adapt to a change in the dynamics of your workplace environment or relationships.  It is all stressful and we all would like to know ahead of time if we need to plan ahead.  It doesn’t always work that way though.

I’ve had the bombshell dropped on me before that I was going to be unemployed.  I have also left jobs for emotional reasons as well as practical reasons.  These practical decisions were made because I could no longer deal with the environment I was in, or I simply knew it was time to move on.  I just knew that the investment of my time could be better spent at another place of employment.  That is why I leave jobs.  The emotional reasons for it were mostly because I dealt with enough and decided I needed room to breathe.  I could have rested on it for a day or two and then made a decision, but it didn’t work that way at the time.

Sometimes an employer will decide it’s in the best interest of the company (and maybe you as well) that your services are no longer required.  This decision is usually decided without much notice and you now have to deal with the sudden change in your routine that you weren’t ready for yet.  This can be similar to the loss of your romantic partner.  You may not have been prepared for it yet, even though they clearly thought it over and are ready to move on.  You now have to deal with the fact that the person you felt closest to is no longer going to be around and that they likely have decided to be with someone else as well.  These changes usually force you to adapt.

Another common change is in our friendships with other people.  We often have friends that meet new friends and elect to spend more time with that person and they get closer.  We sometimes feel excluded and don’t like the decisions being made.  Yet we are forced to adapt and we go and meet new friends to spend time with or spend more time with other friends we have made.  

I know for myself and other Aspies that we don’t like the sudden change in life.  It often disrupts our routine that we enjoy.  We also don’t deal well with the fact that some of the friends we value are now deciding to give more attention to someone else.  It is possible that I and many other Aspies start overthinking and misapply the knowledge we have and do the wrong thing in these scenarios.  The new friends our good friends make could come and go.  This tends to increase our stress as we have to decide what to do next.  It’s amazing that sometimes in moments of stress, we sometimes don’t even do what is in our best interest.  I believe this works for everyone though, but more often than not, I have found in the past that I don’t deal well with it when the time comes.

The stress of these situations has probably forced me to make decisions based on emotional fight or flight responses rather than taking a time out and sitting back to really rationalize what I am doing.  For some people, prior abuse could be the deciding factor in deciding to do things so suddenly.  This ends up looking like an unforgivable mistake in the eyes of many people I come across regardless of what your intentions are.  People often remember how they felt and will disregard your intentions instead of listening to why.  The key here is to remember that you have to listen to the other person’s side as well.  They will simply not let me back in their life after I make a decision like this.  There isn’t anything that can be done afterwards.

A bad decision will likely result in these friends now treating you like they never met you or knew you.  So my best course of action is treat them the same way.  People don’t believe me when I take responsibility for my actions most of the time.  So it might be wise to end things responsibly rather than wait after a while and then take responsibility.