Banning touching at school and why I think it is wrong.

Here are a few links that illustrate the concern of many people, just check the bottom of the entry for them.  I look at this as anti-bullying going way too far.  I also see this as people lacking any common sense.  So, someone gets hurt on a school playground, and an overprotective parent cries to the school?  I may not be a parent, but give me a break.  This rule goes way too far.  I first heard this rule on the radio while I was at work and was hearing that many schools in my area were thinking of enforcing the same policy. 

I'm not sure how to explain my opinion in a very clear way.  But I will give a three clear reasons why I think it is wrong.

1. You are taking away the freedom to play and have fun.  Kids are naturally hands on and try and learn to play through socializing and hands on type of environment.  Sure there might be some kids that like to fight.  The kids that are excessive in their hands on approach are usually reprimanded for it.  Teachers when I was growing up would allow touching.  So my guess is that kids won't even be allowed to play "Duck, Duck, Goose." 

2. Common sense can be learned early.  Enforcing such a rule will not allow a child to know right and wrong pretty early on.  Such a rule will likely be hard for a kid to guage whether he or she can do it off the playground and at home as well under parent supervision even.  Children are being taught to behave in certain ways by parents at home and by teachers at school.  Behavioral conditioning based on common sense can be thrown out the window with such a rule.

3. Kids may not learn their lesson from doing something that gets them hurt.  It's one thing to be strict, but to be overly strict without any bounds is ridiculous.  I realize the school that implemented the policy thinks it will reduce injuries and they are probably right.  But now kids will be far more afraid of doing something that they might get hurt by doing.  Sometimes a lesson can be learned by doing something that you get hurt by doing.  Kids tend to avoid playing around another kid that will hurt them because they fear it will happen again.  As a result, the kid that hurts others may end up learning "Nobody wants to play with me because I hurt them.  I will play nicer now."  With such a rule, the chances of anyone learning this lesson are slim.

Another thing about this is that it is strictly pointed towards kindergarten students.  Kindergarten is meant to be fun for students.  What happens when there is no fun?  Will the children feel as if they don't want to go to school anymore at that age?

http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/11052013-hands-off-schools-zero-tolerance-policy-bans-touching/

http://www.wondercafe.ca/discussion/parenting/ban-children-touching-other-children

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/british-columbia/bc-schools-no-hand-holding-rule-goes-too-far-parents-say/article15289870/

The Window of Opportunity.

This is meant to cover the more emotional part of the Aspie relationships.  This is something I plan on putting in my little book as well:

There was a man named Jake.  He loved going out running, walking, hiking, and he enjoyed playing soccer as well.  His passion though was his painting, an art that helped him express himself.  He was also a very kind man.  Others didn't quite understand him, but he was fine with that.  He knew he was a little different and understood and accepted himself as he was.  He also realized where he could grow.

He decided to take the opportunity to go out with friends and meet some new people along the way.  He enjoyed his social life for what it was and didn't turn down many invites to go hang out.  His friends were happy to have him around despite his difference.  His friends accepted him as he was as well.  He was happy to have his friends and he managed to find a way to be approachable to others as well.

During one night out with some friends, Jake laid his eyes on the most beautiful girl in the room.  He walked over and said "hi" to the girl and asked for her name.  "Sandra" said the girl in reply.  The two exchanged some pleasantries and engaged in a conversation.  Sandra laughed at the sense of humour Jake displayed.  She even listened intently as Jake spoke.  Jake also got to know Sandra a little better and before the end of the night, the two exchanged phone numbers before Sandra left to go home.

A couple days went by and Jake phoned Sandra to ask her to come out with him.  Sandra said yes and the two went to learn how to dance the Chacha.  Both had fun learning the dance moves and agreed to see eachother again. There was no kiss on this night, but the two hugged eachother before separating from eachother for the night.

The two would continue to hang out for four weeks.  Around this time period, Sandra and Jake started to really like eachother, although Jake couldn't tell that Sandra was as interested in him as he was in her.  Sandra could tell that Jake cared and enjoyed himself around her, but she couldn't help but feel something wasn't right.  She started to overthink whether she was good enough for Jake, or whether Jake truly was interested in him.  She even asked "Is he ready yet?"  Sandra knew that she was ready, but was unsure about Jake.

During one sunny Saturday afternoon, Jake and Sandra went to a romantic movie.  As Sandra kept leaning closer to Jake, she noticed that Jake wouldn't put his arm around her.  She was undeterred by this.  Jake didn't take note of this signal that Sandra wanted to be held.  As the movie went on, Sandra kept wondering again if Jake was really interested in her as more than friends.

Outside afterwards, the two went for a walk and Sandra leaned in closer to Jake again only to find that Jake wouldn't reach for her hand.  This was even more devastating to Sandra.  She was beginning to feel insecure about where things were going between the two.  As Jake walked Sandra back to her neighbourhood, they hugged again and made eye contact.  Jake then said to Sandra "I will see you later."  They released the hold of their hug and Jake walked away.

A couple days went by and Jake asked Sandra to hang out again for later on that night.  He waited for hours while painting to find that Sandra never replied to him.  Jake felt this was strange since this was unlike Sandra to ignore his text messages and phone calls.  So Jake asked again around the time he planned to meet if Sandra was there.  Still he got no reply.  Jake started to wonder what he did wrong.  "I was a gentleman, I didn't force her to do anything she wasn't comfortable with.  So what is the problem?"  he said to himself.  He couldn't figure out what happened.

Sandra eventually replied to Jake after three days saying "Sorry, I was out of town and my phone was turned off."  Jake was releived to hear from her.  Jake then asked Sandra out again for the next night.  "Oh, sorry Jake.  I can't.  I have other plans."  Jake then asked about the plans to find out that Sandra was going on a date with a man she met while she was out of town.  Jake felt devastated.  He then asked her if she truly felt he was good enough.  Her reply was "you had your chance, and you didn't take it.  I'm sorry, but I also dont think things would work out either."  Jake was very upset and said goodbye to Sandra.

Jake also started overthinking about whether this was a test to make him jealous as well.  He dwelled on this for a couple months remembering the words.  "She was the best opportunity I had for love."  He kept saying to himself.  He even blamed Sandra for not being straight up with him sooner.  But as Jake started to learn a few subtle cues, he realized his opportunity came when Sandra was leaning closer to him.  The problem here was that Jake was thinking too much about this instead of moving forward, but at least he learned something from this experience.

Eventually, Jake started to move forward.  He stopped thinking about Sandra and the "what ifs" and focused on what made him happy again.  He also went out with some friends one night and was enjoyhing the company without even thinking of the missed opportunity.  Then he looked around the room and saw the most beautiful girl in the room.  He walked over and said "hi" to her, and got her name.


The reason for this story is to illustrate the emotional problems some Aspie men might have to go through.  They may not pick up on the social cues as easily as other men.  What comes naturally for others, we have to learn it.  Take a note here that Jake doesn't actually learn from Sandra what went wrong other than "You had your chance."  What Jake does is figure out on his own what went wrong. 

It also goes to show you that what i have observed myself as that most women I meet don't want to make the first move either.  So of course, when any woman comes across an Aspie and notices that he simply won't make the move during the window of opportunity, she gets upset and maybe even feels rejected.  I know full well that I had to communicate with people that I was never rejecting them when this happened.  This never fixed the problem, and I was expected to take action rather than explain myself. 

However, the window of opportunity is a real thing.  I find that if I don't read the cue properly, things go wrong.  If I misread the interest and try and kiss the girl when the cue isn't there, I will come across as forceful, or maybe even a creepy guy that just wants in someone's pants.  However, if I miss the obvious cue when it's there as others see it, I come across as disinterested and maybe even mean depending on how this rejection looks to others.  I realize that it's a very tricky thing to learn.

The only thing I can do here is to tell the woman that if she is in doubt whether the guy she likes is interested or not, ask.  Same goes with the guy.  If you don't want to risk friendship over it, then don't.  Otherwise, if you can naturally follow the flow of things, you will both know when it's right to make the move. 

Self-Defeat Part 3: Indecision.

You need to make a very important decision in your life.  You have to decide which job to take, which city to move to, which girl you want to be with.  Life can throw you a lot of opportunities and you have to make the best choice.  So what happens if you're incapable of making the decision?  Either someone else makes it for you, or you don't make the decision at all.  This often leads to self-defeat since you couldn't allow yourself to succeed in making the most responsible decisions for yourself.

I have seen it within myself the most.  I have also seen it within others in my life.  Making decisions should be about yourself since you are in control of yourself more than you are other people.  Others often make decisions that are in their best interest.  Good people don't want to make choices for indecisive people themselves.  That in a way is too much power and responsibility.  This can also often lead to being incapable of making decisions for yourself since you were too focused on others.  There are plenty of people out there that will take advantage of such generosity and won't hesitate in doing so.

Of course, noone likes indecisive people at their whole.  The indecisive people are often those who can't take a stand and will fall for anything.  Indecisive people often allow others to take advantage of them.  So what exactly does this do for you?  Hopefully you have to learn your lesson that making a smart rational decision will show people that you stand for something.  Being indecisive often shows others that you can't make a stand.  Maybe you can't even stand up for yourself and what you believe to be right.

With that being said, no employer is going to wait on you for you to make up your mind.  No family member is going to do that as well.  None of your friends or girlfriends, or special people in your life will ever wait on you to make a decision.  If you want to give in to self-defeat by not being able to make a responsible decision for yourself, feel free to do so.  You will find that life for others will go on without you.

Self Defeat part 2: Just quit while you're ahead.

I did say that sensory issues or meltdowns would be the focus of this entry.  Well, it may or may not be.  It only depends on your actions during a certain scenario.

There comes the moments in life where you have to make a really tough decision about what to do with a loved one, or a friend or a special relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend.  Everyone strives to end things on good terms with eachother and without hard feelings.  Sometimes it doesn't work that way.  This of course leads to some anger issues and some irresponsible decisions being made based off the emotions we felt around being told "I think it's time we part and go different ways."  Trust me, I have been there and I know I have made some horrible decisions because I didn't want to move on when the other did.  The truth is I should have just stopped and just quit while I was ahead.  Either I or the other person made the decision.  It should be a decision that we stick with.

When you have come to a rational decision about moving on, sometimes the other person will do whatever they can to convince you to change your mind.  It happens.  What also happens is we might have a feeling of empathy in that moment and realize that it's possible we were being too hard on that person when we wanted to move on and we give another chance as well.  This can pay off quite well and a great friendship/relationship can be restored and grow.

On the other hand, there was a reason you needed to leave that person behind.  Let's just say you know you needed to move on because it wasn't beneficial for one of you or both to continue such a friendship.  You have made that decision for the greater good and you need to let it go now and move on.  Someone could say some hurtful things to you and you might be hurt by it.  This is where you need to stop.  There is no need to go back, and there is no need to say anything hurtful right back.  If you do go back or say something nasty in return, the other person usually knows that they have you in the palm of their hands.  They can make you do what they want you to do.  Do you really want this kind of person in your life after all?

In my experience, if you have a friendship that isn't going to be of any benefit to you, or the other, or for the both of you for that matter, it might be time speak up.  If things work out, then good.  If they don't, just walk away without the hard feelings.  Once the hard feelings come into play, you have signalled to the other person that you have lost control.  Now they know not come back to you when they need a friend because they know that you will be bothered by them.

Making rational decisions about your friendships is the smart thing to do.  In your rational thinking, you can observe what the cost of being involved with another person is, and whether the cost is worth it.  Emotional decisions will bother the other person greatly.  This is the reason why you should quit while your ahead.

Part 3 will be about indecision.

Self-defeating behaviours part 1: Understanding Emotions

I have come across the three types of underlying causes to what got me diagnosed with Aspergers in the first place when I was 11 years old.  These underlying causes are Anger, Anxiety and Depression.  Sure there might be some OCD types of behaviours like a desire for routine, but this might just be normal.  Everyone desires routine.  The real problems are the Anger, Anxiety and Depression.

Anger management issues is probably the main cause of improper expression of your feelings.  Easily the biggest problem.  While anxiety does play it's role in it as well, expressing your pain is just the beginning stage of a depressive episode if not dealt with properly.  First let's focus on the anger management problem.

Anger management issues can easily result in a person who doesn't reveal what it is he wants, or doesn't even express their feelings for other people.  Proper display of such feelings often shows a confident person.  Proper display of anger actually helps a person.  Improper display of anger as evidence from a previous blog post will show a person who bottles up their feelings or can't take no for an answer.  This is the big confidence issue.  But what causes someone to bottle up their feelings?  Depends on the person and the situation.  But a person who likely has anger management issues is likely to pick the path of least resistance in arguments and will also likely have problems being taken seriously.

The anger management issues then leads to fear.  A fearful person is just to afraid to move forward and be tested in life.  A person who is afraid can’t succeed or even fail.  There were no tests to be taken.  Fear often leads to broken friendships and relationships and was likely due to the path of least resistance.  When one chooses the path of least resistance, they often convey to other people that they are too afraid to stand up for themselves.  All this started from anger management issues.

Now of course, from all this bottling up your feelings comes sadness and a lot of self-hatred.  A lot of self-abuse took place because it is possible there was no abuse from other people.  There was no abuse because the person being abused didn’t speak up his feelings ahead of time.  That’s the way others are going to see it even if you truly did get abused.  The depression stage often leads to isolation.  It also leads to a lot of anger directed inwards and a loss of faith in one’s self.  This is the stage in which it is obvious to others that you have no respect for anyone since you probably didn’t have respect for yourself.

Part 2 will focus on the Meltdown aspect and the sensory issues.

Possibly the best relationship advice given to NT Female.

Why didn't I think of any of this.  the poster who responds, LeLetch, quite possibly understands the dynamics of relationships better than I do.  And this was an eye opener.  Even look through the forum and you have my answers as well.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5629645.html#5629645

Dealing With Change

Yes, we all like to have things as they are.  Sometimes life is easier that way and it makes us comfortable.  We don’t have to run away from anything and life seems fine.  However, change can happen on a moment’s notice.  How do we adapt to change?  Sometimes change can be stressful as well because we are brought out of our comfort zone and we have to face something unknown to us.  We simply have to deal with it.

Change happens everywhere.  The government could implement a new law that says noone is allowed to smoke anywhere.  Just imagine the panic that will happen for those who are smokers.  Imagine the results of banning tobacco.  I know the government will never allow this to happen here because they would lose a lot of money off the taxes that come from the sales of tobacco.  But can you imagine the widespread panic that smokers now have to stop smoking and deal with this change, even if they aren’t ready to deal with it?

That’s simply the point I am making here.  Change can happen without us being ready for it.  This comes from simpler things in life.  Take loss of employment, loss of a romantic partner or the need to adapt to a change in the dynamics of your workplace environment or relationships.  It is all stressful and we all would like to know ahead of time if we need to plan ahead.  It doesn’t always work that way though.

I’ve had the bombshell dropped on me before that I was going to be unemployed.  I have also left jobs for emotional reasons as well as practical reasons.  These practical decisions were made because I could no longer deal with the environment I was in, or I simply knew it was time to move on.  I just knew that the investment of my time could be better spent at another place of employment.  That is why I leave jobs.  The emotional reasons for it were mostly because I dealt with enough and decided I needed room to breathe.  I could have rested on it for a day or two and then made a decision, but it didn’t work that way at the time.

Sometimes an employer will decide it’s in the best interest of the company (and maybe you as well) that your services are no longer required.  This decision is usually decided without much notice and you now have to deal with the sudden change in your routine that you weren’t ready for yet.  This can be similar to the loss of your romantic partner.  You may not have been prepared for it yet, even though they clearly thought it over and are ready to move on.  You now have to deal with the fact that the person you felt closest to is no longer going to be around and that they likely have decided to be with someone else as well.  These changes usually force you to adapt.

Another common change is in our friendships with other people.  We often have friends that meet new friends and elect to spend more time with that person and they get closer.  We sometimes feel excluded and don’t like the decisions being made.  Yet we are forced to adapt and we go and meet new friends to spend time with or spend more time with other friends we have made.  

I know for myself and other Aspies that we don’t like the sudden change in life.  It often disrupts our routine that we enjoy.  We also don’t deal well with the fact that some of the friends we value are now deciding to give more attention to someone else.  It is possible that I and many other Aspies start overthinking and misapply the knowledge we have and do the wrong thing in these scenarios.  The new friends our good friends make could come and go.  This tends to increase our stress as we have to decide what to do next.  It’s amazing that sometimes in moments of stress, we sometimes don’t even do what is in our best interest.  I believe this works for everyone though, but more often than not, I have found in the past that I don’t deal well with it when the time comes.

The stress of these situations has probably forced me to make decisions based on emotional fight or flight responses rather than taking a time out and sitting back to really rationalize what I am doing.  For some people, prior abuse could be the deciding factor in deciding to do things so suddenly.  This ends up looking like an unforgivable mistake in the eyes of many people I come across regardless of what your intentions are.  People often remember how they felt and will disregard your intentions instead of listening to why.  The key here is to remember that you have to listen to the other person’s side as well.  They will simply not let me back in their life after I make a decision like this.  There isn’t anything that can be done afterwards.

A bad decision will likely result in these friends now treating you like they never met you or knew you.  So my best course of action is treat them the same way.  People don’t believe me when I take responsibility for my actions most of the time.  So it might be wise to end things responsibly rather than wait after a while and then take responsibility.

Ego and Confidence

This is a novel idea that many people may have learned, but how many people actually know this (hint, I alluded to this in the Tale of the Honest man).  Your ego and Confidence are two different things.  But what makes them so different.  I keep hearing the debates on the Wrongplanet.net dating forum that these guys believe that identity and status are important to the partners they attract.  The truth is these guys aren't entirely wrong.  But they focused way too much on the ego portion of things and less on the confidence.  It's easily noticeable that they haven't focused on the confidence because they were too focused on the identity of others.  I am just as guilty and who knows how long it will take before the confidence is where it needs to be in order for me to establish and maintain the healthiest relationships with people.

The truth about your ego is this- it's all about your identity and status.  This is where your insecurity comes into play.  The less status you have, the more insecure you are and the more likely you are excluded from hanging out with people.  Your ego is what drives your reputation.  With your ego comes the selfishness of your behaviour as well.  Those with certain status want to be around those with people of the same status or higher.  People want to be validated and feel valued based off their ego.  It is not to be confused with confidence however.

Confidence truly comes from your emotions and your ability to control it.  It comes from knowing how to express yourself appropriately (time and place, as well as the intensity of the emotion).  The less a person knows about expressing themselves appropriately, the worst their confidence is.  However, it is well known that a person who never expresses their feelings or doesn't handle rejection well is lacking in confidence.  It is the lack of confidence or none at all is where a person is all about ego.  This usually doesn't help in maintaining and establishing relationships.

So of course... a stronger ego is influenced by confidence. The less confident you are, the more fragile your ego. The more confident you are, the more status you attain.

Real morals that could be useful.

Follow up to Aspie Sense of morals.  Go ahead and use this if you want.  I have these written on a piece of paper and attached to my bedroom wall for me to look at and read everyday.

I have to admit, some of those morals don't really make sense to me at all now.  They are just weird rules put in place, and some of the rules didn't necessarily mean fun.  I will apply the new set of morals that should fit my life.  They should go as follows:

1. Be honest with your word- This should be taken into consideration with when you should speak as well.  Sometimes honesty needs to be held back for a more appropriate and sensitive moment.  which leads to the next three rules.
2. Do your best not to take things personally- People always make decisions out of their self-interest.  It's not always because of you or what you are or what you did.  In fact, people may not even be thinking of you at all when they make decisions.  Don't be personal about it.
3. Do your best not to make assumptions- You aren't a mind reader so it is best not to bring up anything to someone without the facts.  Accusations usually offend even if you end up being right.
4. Always do your best- It varies on a daily basis.  Do the best with what you have regardless of your circumstances.  Smart people usually know when another is not doing their best.
5. Don't name drop- When sharing your stories, be careful to exclude obvious details like names, or evidence of who it was.  These kind of stories can come back to you if you are not careful.  Be careful dignifying the stories as well.  Remember honesty and truth are two different things (honesty- emotions, truth- facts)  Use the truth and honesty with respect in mind.
6. Do your best not to complain- A lot of people will have difficulty with this.  Everyone is about self-interest as it is.  But to complain when things don't go your way gives others a reason to avoid you.  Why?  for their own self-interest.
7. Respect your own boundaries- Just because someone might be upset with you doesn't mean you should get upset with them back and look for payback.  This is usually where boundaries a person has set get disrespected.
8. Respect others boundaries- Others may not make it clear what their boundaries are.  If they make it clear, respect them.  If in doubt, consider your own boundaries in a situation.
9. Take care of yourself- Its hard to be compassionate and caring when you don't take care of yourself.  It starts with you and then works its way outwards.
10. Try not to overthink things- It's harder to show empathy this way.  Usually a sign that you need to follow number 9.

The first four rules are based off The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Accept a person as they are.

Now the positive side I hear is that good Aspies actually have a tendency to listen to you and will do what you ask of them if you aren’t mean to them.  Most Aspies are smart enough to figure out when someone is trying to force them to change because the other couldn’t accept them.  Even we know that this is a recipe for a bad relationship or friendshp.  I had to learn this the hard way.  And it was a harsh lesson as well.  It did make me question several times whether my Aspie traits made me a friend another person didn't want around.  Truth is, no it wasn’t.  But the negativity I carried from this kind of experience made me a bad friend to have when new people entered my life.

I have also heard many women say that they seem to like the challenge in men.  Well, an Aspie could be a challenge that might be worth it as well.  Sure you may learn that empathy may be a hard thing for an Aspie to learn, but let the Aspie male express the desire to learn empathy on their own.  I would say the same for guys that get involved with Aspie women.  Trying to force us to do things will ultimately cause some negative energy directed towards you.  I’m sure you have learned from previous dating experience that this could likely result in the same with an NT man or woman.

The worst thing that anyone can do (and this includes anyone diagnosed with Aspergers), is make the other person feel as if you don’t accept them as they are.  There are so many subtle hints and so many direct hints given that someone just isn’t accepting you as you are.  Yet they don’t seem to mind your attention either.  It’s a very rough spot to be in for the person doing the chasing here.  

I feel these are the most obvious hints that indicate that someone just isn’t accepting of who I am:

1.     Doesn’t want to meet me halfway.  I have mentioned before that communication and understanding is key to successful relationships.  If the communication and understanding is so one-sided or there isn’t any, there likely won’t be a successful relationship.  I can assure you that anyone who has dated me can speak up about this.  Some even felt I wasn’t meeting them halfway.

2.      Doesn’t understand my need for direct communication- or simply refuses outright to understand it.  I have had women insist that I learn to read their body language (even when they aren’t consistent with their body language) and also insist that I am the same as any other guy they have met.  If I ask for your plans and if you can do something with me on a certain day, the only way I know for sure I have a yes for an answer is “yes.”  Any “maybe” or mixed signal I get will automatically have me assume “no” for an answer.  And I know people hate it when I make assumptions as well.

3.      Assumes I should know what they want without telling me- The girls I have dated didn’t like it if I do that with them and neither did the friends I made.  I can also tell you that two wrongs don’t make it right.  If you can’t tell the other person what you want, there are no feelings to consider.

4.      Points out my shortcomings, but never my strengths- I am a brutally honest person myself at times.  If you can’t even point out my strengths or tell me what you like about me and insist on telling me what makes me a bad person in your eyes, prepare for me to point out your faults as well.  Again, I know that two wrongs don’t make it right, but if I feel like I am getting attacked, I will go on the defensive.  I know my dad is like this as well.

5.      Mindgames and jealousy- This never works on an Aspie and maybe other good NT men in general.  We don’t know for sure that you want us unless you make it obvious.  If you expect him to run through hoops for you to win you over, he won’t play that game.  In fact, he will let you have the other options until you sort out your emotions.  The Aspie usually decides not to play this game as we don’t find it very fun.  I have had countless women try this on me only to see me not play along.  I usually never hear from them again, so I of course had the same feeling they might have had for me: they just didn’t care.

The Four Main Components of Aspergers Syndrome/Autism.

This is from the book I am writing.  When I have interacted with others on forums and noticed the difference between how NT's and Aspies interact, I have come to a simple conclusion that Aspergers is best described in four parts.  This is a follow up from my blog entry done on January 19, 2013.

1. Due to the sensory issues, I can tell you that I have been able to define the first part of Aspergers for myself as being this: Aspergers at its core is sensory control issues with problems in communication.  The more you work to try and control the sensory issues, the better equipped you will become in improving your social skills.  Such a thought alone will make everyone question whether they have Aspergers or not.  It’s better to avoid thinking about it as you may obsess over it and get diagnosed because of your obsession.

 

2. The second part of my description of Apsegers is this.  It is so complex and so difficult to understand, that not even most psychologists or experts on the subject have the best understanding of it.  Part of the problem is that some people with Aspergers aren’t even capable of speaking.  And when some do speak, they are told to shut up.  This is possibly why so many labels are thrown at an Aspie and can also help attribute to the lack of social skills.  This path of least resistance often leads to anger and depression and others not liking it when we speak up.  This could easily result in people on the spectrum getting abused as well.

 

3. The third part of understanding Aspergers is that the brain is very overactive.  The brain needs to be properly stimulated and as a result, the wiring of the brain in those with Aspergers can likely cause an opposite effect of what is desired for any given situation.  Underlying causes such as anger, depression, and anxiety can contribute to this overactive brain.

 

4. The final part of Aspergers to understand that is that the major sensory issue involved is the emotions of an Aspie.  It may not be clear to those when an Aspie is feeling something or not.  However, the emotions when they do come out can be quite strong.  Like with part number three, the emotion may come out at an undesired time for the average neurotypical (NT) thinker, and when the emotion needs to be shown, it isn’t present.