Bottling up vs expressing your feelings.

After some self reflection in the past couple weeks and after reading through a couple of books and writing a story as well as reading some other opinions from other Aspies, I came across a problem: Feelings.  Feelings always seem to be a problem for Aspies in one way or another since we do have a tendency to be overwhelmed by it.  I have come to the conclusion that we are very sensitive with our sensory issues and feelings is one of them.  We are not the only ones.  Lots of people have problems expressing their feelings.  Here is some self reflection on the past for me.  I have noticed when you communicate your feelings with someone, you feel more at ease.  If the person can't accept your feelings, they are too scared or just have a problem with it.  You don't have a problem if you can express your feelings.  I actually said some of these things in a Facebook message to a friend.  Instead of writing something similar, I decided to repost what I told him while leaving some information out.

Expressing feelings:
I have found in the past that people complained that they thought I was too intense for them based on my feelings that I showed. People often didn't give me a fair chance for this reason.  I remember with some people that they didn't like me talking about my feelings after I revealed them and they rebuffed me for it. This includes people that were intimate with me as well (before and after the fact). This revealed that everyone has their ego which likes to dispose of people as quickly as they find them and fear is the reason why. Feelings happen and I will repeat that those who can't accept another's feelings for them have a problem.. not the person that had the feelings.  Everyone wants to be felt. I know this from my own personal experience myself.
Now these were good feelings that people were scared of.  Imagine how scared people might be if I have a meltdown or start getting sad.  If people were scared of my feelings or couldn't accept the good feelings, I feel as if any bad feelings I might have will be avoided by other people.  They won't want me around because I'm "scary" or "depressing."  This might not be fair and these certain feelings have left me no choice but to isolate when they hit through me.  The real unfair thing is that people expect me to be empathetic with them during their sad moments.  How do I do this if people can't give me the time of day to express how I feel?  I would much rather communicate these bad feelings that I have through text.  This also creates a problem for some people I find.  It feels like a no-win scenario.  But why is this a no win scenario?  It is very possible that I bottled up the emotions.

Bottling up your feelings
On the flip side I probably got scared with communicating my feelings with other people as well due to fear of losing them for communicating such feelings. It seemed as if I was always in a no win scenario.  This makes me appear like an emotionless robot and people complain about this too.  I have been told this makes me look way too serious and I don't appear to be having fun.  I believe this to be somewhat true as this happens when I can't express any feelings.
Of course, what happens when you bottle them up is that you go too long without expressing yourself.  This appears to happen when someone does something you don't like or worse, the girl you like is now with someone else (someone you may have had a chance with).  You probably didn't express your feelings ahead of time and as a result, the other person had no feelings to take into consideration.  So what happens when you do express your feelings?  Well, it's too late at this point and the other person may not like it, especially since the intensity was built up for so long since you wouldn't release your feelings.  Of course, when you build up your anger as well, this also becomes a problem.  This is really not an aspie thing.  Lots of people have problems controlling their emotions.

Communication
I then realized even looking back far enough the real issue with people as well as me in this world. Everyone seems to expect others to meet their needs and wants without even communicating it. My close friend has expressed to me that this seemed to be an issue with most women he dated as he communicated things and he was expected to know what they wanted and needed. I noticed this happened at one point between me and a couple girlfriends and everything just deteriorated from there, but I think it was more me as I got overwhelmed with the emotions. I always found in the past that controlling feelings was an issue for me. Noone is really at fault. If you can't communicate with others, you never get what you need and want from the other person. It works both ways.

Conformity
Another part that I realized about me is the problems with psychiatrists and my condition: they seem to be pushing for me to conform. Granted yes, I listened when they say I need to be more sensitive to the feelings of others and worked on that. I was also told that I needed to find a way to not sabotage my own happiness. However, I was fully expected to conform to what others want from what they consider a normal person. I know full well that being normal is not who I am even when I appear as a normal person. What I am is me, and part of it is Aspergers. This seems to be a problem with others as I have seen many people cannot accept the Aspergers part and this is something that will not totally change, but just worked on. You can cure illness, but you cannot cure a disorder. There seems to be a lack of patience and understanding in this regard. It takes a strong person to consider me a friend. And I have found there aren't many strong people in this world.  I can express my feelings if I am not overwhelmed.  However, my aspie traits that make me appear different isn't always accepted.  I think it's appropriate to work on expressing feelings appropriately now.

A key thing to remember.  A person who cannot express his feelings is afraid of failure and rejection.  Of course this person is also afraid of success.