The Aspie male is probably the most confusing person for any NT women to deal with. Even other men are going to be confused. The reason why is that it appears more often than not that the Aspie is to afraid to communicate his real feelings, or just he might not even understand his own feelings. Other people might not be making it clear what their feelings are either because the Aspie male comes across as being too insecure and far too sensitive, or just confusing himself. This will drive others away as they can't stand people that are like this. Unfortunately, it's not up to others to accept you for who you are as most people will judge and choose not to accept you based off their perceptions. It's the brutal truth here that Aspie men have to grow a backbone if they haven't already and accept themselves for who they are. You stand a better chance of being accepted if you do this.
Impersonal cancellations of a date- You get a text message from someone who cancels the first date/hangout with you for whatever reason. It doesn't matter what the reason is. But consider this: If she is sending you a text message to do this, what respect did you get from her? Did you give her any reason to respect you? Have you two even spoken on the phone yet? Your first answer is that you got a little bit of respect because she at least notified you ahead of time. Consider the circumstances in which this kind of cancellation was appropriate . Consider what you did to have any respect from her to make her give you this kind of cancellation (if you were far more respectful than this, it was her problem all along). And if you haven't spoken to her on the phone yet, you didn't stand out anyway. Either way, have a backbone and don't dignify the answer with a response. My experience shows me that acknowledging the text and being reasonable and understanding doesn't work. You just look like a doormat here.
Ignoring and not returning your phone calls/texts/e-mails- No amount of chasing will get you a response sooner or this person could give a very aggressive and unpleasant response. You have to give up and walk away at some point. It sucks if you like this person, but accept that you can't get this person's attention for whatever reason. Leaving them alone will result in one of two options: You hear from them again at one point for whatever reason, or you don't. It's simple: walk away silently. It is appropriate to let them know how you felt about it if there is any sufficient reason to do so (this person did it in a disrespectful manner). Being stood up with no call or notification goes along with this category as well. If you are stood up, it shows the other has no respect for you on most occasions. The rare occasion this person happens to apologize to you for standing you up and has a legitimate reason should be taken into consideration.
Differences- Some differences in opinion result in arguments and some won't. One person will be wrong or both will be. Feelings will get hurt regardless and tempers will flare. If you were in the wrong, it would be okay to approach this situation with an apology of some kind. After offering the apology, the ball is in the other's court and you will have to wait to hear back. Obviously you will walk away if you don't hear anything. If this person has to offer you an apology and you know you want them around, take the apology if you get one and settle your differences.
Breakups- These events suck. Someone or both people involved will get hurt. What you don't want to do is come across as bitter and resentful of the other person and don't make the feelings worse than they need to be. The aspie male's response will be space to assess any feelings he has and try and move on. The NT woman might not like the aspie response. Her feelings will get hurt and she might feel as if the aspie male didn't care. Consider whether you want her to feel that way when the break up happened. Communicate effectively what you need from her right when things end and she will do the same. At this point, your needs matter more and you can consider her needs once you have taken care of yours. This is a period where you have to sort out any feelings you have. It's hard to be friends with someone you were in a relationship with. You need to assess whether you want this friend or not. It's not ideal to just walk away until you make the most appropriate decision for yourself.
Friends caught in the middle- You and a friend are having an issue with or a partner you broke up with have mutual friends with you. These friends will likely pick sides. Don't treat these people like messengers and don't treat them like you deserve their unconditional respect and friendship. They will decide who they are more loyal to and pick the side of the friend they care for the most. You have no right to ask them anything and you have to respect their decision. You may not like the decision, but you may end up not getting invited to events based off this problem. If you do end up at an event with everyone involved, enjoy your company with other people and ignore the problem if you need to. A fun event is meant to be fun and if you can't have fun, then you will have to walk away or be asked to.
Furthermore, if you come across as a nice guy, be very wary of the friends you make. There are some out there that like to take advantage of a nice guy as a means to boost their own ego. Some might not care if they are treated this way, but those who do care should have some backbone and communicate why they don't like it if or when it happens. After you communicate this, you have every right to walk away from the ego booster if they prove to you that they didn't care what you felt.
No comments:
Post a Comment